South Park SlashORama
by Adeline Smith
Summary: Set in High School. Accepting OCs. Slash and non-slash pairings. (Freshmen only, please.)
1. Chapter 1

Let me set the stage for you:

It is Freshman year. Everyone has spent an entire summer trying to figure out exactly who they are. People change a lot between the end of 8th grade and the beginning of 9th, for better or worse.

Stan and Kyle are still best friends. Kenny is discovering that he is turned on by just about everything, he might even be pan-sexual. Butters is still a sweet kid with no self-esteem. He's learned the meaning of "bi-curious" and can now say that it applies in his case... not that he's going to advertise that fact. He's already considered a "homo" by all of his so-called friends. Token had a growth spurt and now towers over his friends with an amazingly fit chest and shoulders, he could pick up college girls if he was so inclined. Tweek is addicted to Ritalin, and unfortunately this hasn't made him any calmer. Fortunately, he's also discovered Valium and anti-anxiety meds. He still has panic attacks on occasion. Clyde is no longer "the second fattest" kid. He's filled out nicely. Craig is tall, but not as tall as Token. He's taken to smoking weed and playing bad guitar. But, the girls totally dig it. Pip is getting attention for his "cute accent" now that his voice has gotten lower. Damien has almost been drafted by the goth kids more than once. Jimmy is charming with his humour. Timmy is... Timmy. Bebe has made peace with her boobs. Wendy started a chapter of the Gay-Straight-Alliance at school, not because she is necessarily gay, but because the news has been abuzz with gay student suicides, and she wont have that happening at her school. Cartman shows up at meetings to troll. Yes, Cartman. He's still around too. Contrary to popular belief he is not a fat ass. He started working out over the summer and is now not too bad looking. He is built like a football player. Too bad he still feels the need to put other people down to make himself feel cool.

If I've failed to mention a character you'd like to read about, please nudge me in the comments. Also, if you have an OC you'd like to share, the comments would be the place to go. The format for OCs is as follows:

Name:

Age:

Sexual Orientation/Crush:

Physcial Description:

Personality:

Extra Info: (Optional)

I'll try my best to post on a fairly regular basis, it all really depends on the comments. Thanks y'all!


	2. Chapter 2

Tweek's Therapy Journal

First day of school. I was going to sit with Craig on the bus, but Clyde planted his ass down next to him and wouldn't move. Took my anxiety meds as perscribed in the morning, so I wasn't as shaky as usual. Met a girl. Her name was Ash. I wonder if that is sort for Ashley or something. She didn't have anyone to sit with either. She looked as strung out as me- that's new! Her nails were all messed up from biting them. She even has a streak of white hair in otherwise brown hair. She's pretty in a sick druggy way.

Her eyes were pretty, even with dark circles under them. She kept glancing at me nervously, and then looking back outside the bus window. I can't believe she was nervous to be talking to ME of all people. I guess I'm not the only one who fate has smiled on this year. I saw Pip chatting up this tiny girl with pig-tails. If I didn't know any better I'd have thought she was in elementary school. It's weird. Pip seemed completely into her too. All this time I kind of assumed Pip was gay.

Oh, and Kyle has a female-self. Her name is Gabrielle, and they look and sound like twins. It's weird. I guess Kyle got really good looking over the summer, because there was another girl clinging to him too, a blonde, but I didn't catch her name. Speaking of gingers: There's also this kid who is practically stalking Red, named Brian. But, I don't think Red minds.

There's lots of emo kids at school this year. I thought the goths were all going to have aneurysms. There was this girl, Krisa who was following Kenny around, and I almost mistook her for one of the goths. She was just like them- she was even smoking! But, when I just mentioned in passing to one of the goths that it looked like she might be a candidate to join their little clique, I got the evil eye. Apparently only emo kids listen to Avenged Sevenfold, and Goths don't wear band-tee shirts.

In class all of the guys just sort of melted and spread out while the new girls kind of attached themselves to them. Oh, and Bebe has a new boyfriend. Not that that is surprising at all. His name is Vinnie and he looks like a serial killer. I'm making it a point not to get anywhere near that guy.

Oh, and want to hear the least surprising news ever? Butters is gay! Wow, I'm sure that came as a *huge* shocker. Seriously when he told me the "big news" at lunch today I was tempted to ask him what the news was. But, good for Butters. He was really brave to come out, especially on the first day of school. I feel bad for him though. It is pretty obivous that he likes Kenny, and Kenny is just maybe bisexual, but probably wouldn't be into Butters anyway. Butters was planning on coming out to Kenny after school, but Kenny was too busy talking to that emo girl, Krisa.

Actually, now that I think of it, that kind of explains why Butters looked like he'd been crying when he came over to my place after school. He comes over every day to study. We've gotten pretty close over the years; bonding over being equally poor replacements for Kenny in Stan's crowd. Oh, and I think Stan and Wendy are together again for like the hundred billionth time.

Craig was supposed to come over to my place too, but he ended up taking this girl Elissa to the arcade instead. I swear, they're perfectly matched.

Oh, and I made a friend. His name is David and he was kind of quiet.

Anyways, I have to go now. I promised Ash I'd text her after I finished this. Yes, a girl asked me to text her. I think I might actually get a girlfriend this year. Yay!


	3. Chapter 3

Butters: It's not fair. How the hell am I supposed to compete with her?

Tweek: It's 3:00 in the morning. Why are you awake?

Butters: Krisa is so cool. Now I'll never be anything to Kenny.

Tweek: Why are you telling me this?

Butters: I'm sorry. I shouldn't have bothered you.

Tweek: No, Butters, I mean. Why don't you tell him.

Tweek: Are you okay?

Butters: Yes, of course I am. I'm just fine and dandy.

Tweek: No you're not. Do you want to come over?

Butters: Yes please.

Tweek: Dude.

Kyle: This had better be important. I'm expecting a text from Gabby.

Tweek: I think Butters is really messed up.

Kyle: That's not new.

Tweek: Come on, I thought you were his friend.

Kyle: I am. I'm just busy.

Tweek: What happened to bros before hos? Gaaah. Whatever, you go have fun with your girlfriends. You obviously don't give a shit.

Tweek: You're my friend, right?

Craig: Yeah.

Tweek: You're smart, right?

Craig: Yeah. What do you want?

Tweek: So, if I have a friend who is in love with another one of my friends, who doesn't like my friend back, and in theory my friend was going insane over it, what should I do?

Craig: This is about Butters.

Tweek: No, it's about Mr. Hanky. Yes, of course it's about Butters. Who else?

Craig: I can't help you.

Tweek: You're with your girlfriend aren't you?

Craig: Elissa isn't my girlfriend (yet).

Tweek: Fuck you man.

Craig: (-_-)_,,/,,

Tweek: Stan! You're a good person.

Stan: I'm kind of busy.

Tweek: If it's Wendy, tell her it's about Butters, she'll understand.

Stan: No way. Stop being a cockblock.

Tweek: Stop being a terrible friend.

Clyde: Did u just call me 50 times?

Tweek: Well, I'd put it at around 45.

Clyde: Same diff.

Tweek: Have you seen Butters?

Clyde: Not my day to watch him.

Tweek: You are SO helpful.

Clyde: Yeah, any time.

Tweek: Sarcasm.

Clyde: l8r.


	4. Chapter 4

**From:** Butters

**To:** All Contacts

Sorry, I can't do this anymore. You all have been so kind to me. Well, most of you. But, I'm beyond help. I'm so sorry, for everything. Please forgive me.

**From:** Craig

**To:** Butters

Don't kill yourself.

**From:** Tweek

**To:** Butters

BUTTERS THIS ISN'T FUNNY ANSWER YOUR GODDAMN PHONE! DON'T YOU DARE HURT YOURSELF. I'M SERIOUS!

**From:** Cartman

**To:** Butters

Suicide is for fags.

**From:** Wendy

**To:** Butters

Please don't hurt yourself, Butters. There is so much left to live for. Can we just talk about it? I promise everything is going to be okay.

**From:** Ash

**To:** Butters

Butters? You don't have to do this. There are people who care about you. I'm always here if you need someone to talk to. Please call Tweek. He is literally ripping out his hair with worry. I think he's going to have a heart attack if you don't respond. We're on our way to your house now. If you don't answer the door or pick up the phone we'll have to break in... Please be okay.

**From:** Kyle

**To:** Butters

Call 9-1-1 if you think you are going to hurt yourself. Suicide is not the answer! Call 1-800-SUICIDE right now! Your problems are temporary, death is permanent. I know I have no idea of knowing the pain you are in right now. It took a lot of courage for you to reach out like this. I know you are brave enough to get through this. Just, please, call some one.

**From:** Tweek

**To:** Butters

Please open the door Butters. You are my best friend. If you were gone, I don't know what I'd do. Please, please, please open the door. I know you are in a dark place, but I want to be there for you! God, if you don't open the door in like ten seconds I'm going to fucking break it down.

**From:** Stan

**To:** Butters

Hey, I'm here if you need someone to talk to.

**From:** Kenny

**To:** Butters

Don't do it. Death isn't fun. Trust me. I know. Just don't even try it.

**From:** Gabby

**To:** Butters

You are stronger than this, Butters. There's like twenty of us here outside of your house right now. Tweek and Stan are trying to break down the door. Where the hell are your parents? Also, Kenny is here. Just a heads up.

**From:** Malice

**To:** Butters

I've been where you are right now. It is really hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel, but I swear to you that it is there. I wish I was at your place right now to prove it to you... but you know how I am about people. Suicide sucks. It isn't painless. Don't do it.

**From:** April May

**To:** Butters

It's going to be okay. Don't freak out, but Tweek just called 9-1-1. He's just worried about you. So, don't be mad. I know how you feel. Trust me. I've been in love with Kyle since I first laid eyes on him, and he's with Gabby. Sometimes I wonder if I'd be the one he loved if I'd just come to class a couple seconds earlier. I understand how you feel, so I can say from experience that this isn't the end of the world.

**From:** Token

**To:** Butters

Everyone is really worried about you. I really hope that you are okay. Everyone cares about you. I can hear the sirens from here. I guess that's the paramedics or whoever Tweek called.

**From:** Krisa

**To:** Butters

I know I'm probably the last person you want to hear from... but I just wanted to say that I hope you are alright in there.


	5. Chapter 5

**PrincessLamiiii:** Do you know where my brother is?

**LilLily:** No. He isn't with Pip right now.

**PrincessLamiiii:** Wow, Lil. How do you know that? ;)

**LilLily:** Shhhh! My conscience might hear you!

**PrincessLamiiii:** Omg, you didn't?

**LilLily:** I did.

**PrincessLamiiii:** Lily! You're such a bad influence!

**LilLily:** Pfffft. Sure, I'm the bad influence, Miss. HasABoyfriendAt12YearsOld!

**PrincessLamiiii:** Nice. I should make that my screen name. And, I meant you were corrupting him, not me!

**LilLily:** You are too much! And, I sure hope so. ;)

**PrincessLamiiii:** Welp, I'll let you get back to doing Pip. I've gotta find my brother.

**LilLily:** He's probably with Craig or Butters. And, don't you dare tell a soul about me and Pip!

**PrincessLamiiii:**Alriiiight. Pinkie swear!

**Tweekers:** Lamia, I need you to tell mom and dad that I'm going to miss dinner.

**PrincessLamiiii:** Why?

**Tweekers:** Butters is in the hospital.

**PrincessLamiiii:** Omg, what happened?

**Tweekers:** Long story. Just, please, tell mom and dad okay?

**PrincessLamiiii:** Right on it. Oh, and keep your phone on.

**Tweekers:**Thanks, will do.

**LeAsh:** How's he doing? Also, I can't believe you got away with this. How many times have you boys used that "we are brothers, and our parents are dead" excuse?

**Tweekers:** I don't know. They have a bed shortage so we've just been sitting in this room. Thank god they're not calling his parents. They'd ground him for life.

**LeAsh:** Honestly? For attempting suicide? What is their problem?

**Tweekers:** I don't know, they've always been like that.

**LeAsh:** I wish I was there with you.

**Tweekers:** Me too.

**Tweekers:** So, are you doing anything Saturday?

**LeAsh:** Tweek! Not the right time!

**Tweekers:** Oh, right, sorry. You don't hate me now do you?

**LeAsh:** Not a chance. Also, the goth kids are here. Apparently they are creepily interested in seeing Butters now that he's attempted to kill himself. These guys are freaaaks.

**Tweekers:** Tell them to go fuck themselves.

**LeAsh:** Good idea!

**Tweekers:** They're all kind of assholes aren't they?

**LeAsh:** Well, the asian one isn't so bad. He opens doors for women like a gentleman, anyway.

**Tweekers:** You mean Kuran? And, would you like me to open doors for you?

**LeAsh:** Yeah! That's who. Where is he from? Also, no I'll open doors for you.

**Tweekers:** Like Korea or something? Hey, I tried.

**LeAsh:** He's kind of cute, minus looking like he just came back from a victorian cemetery.

**Tweekers:** Well, that's encouraging. Gaaaahhh. What is taking the doctors so long? Poor Butters.

**LeAsh:**Give him a hug for me. :(

**Tweekers:** If you were wondering, yes, Butters is alive. And, yes, you are an asshole for not helping me out with him to begin with.

**CraigTucker:** t(-_-)t

**Tweekers:** Your screen name is soooo creative.

**CraigTucker:** What do you want?

**Tweekers:** I dunno, maybe for you to take 1 minute out of your oh-so-busy schedule of sucking face with your girlfriend and maybe call Butters or something? I think he would appreciate that.

**CraigTucker:**One minute.

**WhitestAsianUKnow:** I heard about Butters. How is he?

**Tweekers:** Not great. Jesus, Kevin, I haven't heard from you in forever.

**WhitestAsianUKnow:** Well, I've been sort of busy with Comic Con.

**Tweekers:** That figures.

**WhitestAsianUKnow:**Well, I have to go now, but tell Butters I said "hi". May the force be with you.

**BebeBabe:** Is he okay?

**Tweekers:** He's alive.

**BebeBabe:** Good. Vinnie sends his best wishes.

**Tweekers:**Thanks?

**Token15:** Is Butters alright?

**Tweekers:** Yeah. As alright as can be expected.

**Token15:** This whole situation sucks, man.

**Tweekers:** I know.

**Token15:** But, he'll pull through. With a friend like you, I know he'll be fine.

**Tweekers:** Thanks. That really means a lot to me.

**Token15:**Hang in there.

**SiegHeil:** Is Butters really dead?

**Tweekers:** No! Where did you hear that from?

**SiegHeil:** I have my sources. If he did die, would he maybe, in theory, be willing to sell his organs?

**Tweekers:** I have no idea what you are planning, fatass, but we don't want any part of it.

**SiegHeil:**Planning? What are you talking about? And, fuck you! I'm not even fat anymore! I was never fat, I was just big boned!

**KosherKyle:** Hey, is Butters doing alright?

**Tweekers:** Why do you care?

**KosherKyle:** Don't be an asshole, I really do care.

**Tweekers:** Well, that's new. He's fine.

**KosherKyle:** I had no way of knowing things had gotten that bad.

**Tweekers:**Yeah, I know, because you wouldn't listen. All this time I thought you were the good guy in Stan's crew, but it turns out that you are all just assholes. You don't give a shit what happens to anyone else. The only time you ever talked to Butters is when you needed him for something. He doesn't need your shit in his life right now. So seriously, just take your half-baked apology and shove it up your ass.

**GingerGabby:** Who gave you a right to filter calls for Butters?

**Tweekers:** You don't even know Butters. Just mind your own business.

**GingerGabby:** What if Butters wanted to hear from Kyle? They were friends before you were.

**Tweekers:** Oh, so you're just here to defend your boyfriend. That figures. And, if by friend you mean punching bag and convenient scapegoat, then you are totally right. Otherwise, you and Kyle both need to back the fuck off.

**GingerGabby:** This isn't over, Tweek.

**Tweekers:** Wanna bet?

**Tweekers:**[User: GingerGabby, is now blocked]

**XXMaliceXX:** Tell Butters that I'm sorry for being too much of a selfish coward to go see him.

**Tweekers:** Honestly, you've been one of the most supportive people. You don't have to apologize for anything. Butters and I both understand social anxiety.

**XXMaliceXX:** If there is anything I can do for you guys, just tell me. You two are really the most open minded people in South Park. You should have seen me before I met you guys. I couldn't open up to anyone. And, those goth kids that everyone kind of lumps me in with? They are some of the most closed minded people on earth. You and Butters are some of the best friends I've ever had. I mean it.

**Tweekers:**That's really just so nice of you to say. Butters will be really touched when I read it to him. You're a good friend.

**BrianLuvsRed:** I just heard what happened. I hope Butters is okay.

**RedLuvsBrian:** Yeah, we were at the movies and the planetarium. We had no idea.

**Tweekers:** Better late than never. I'll tell Butters you guys IM'd.

**RedLuvsBrian:**Thnx!

**Mysterion:** Shit. This is my fault.

**Tweekers:** Well, yeah. To an extent.

**Mysterion:** I feel fucking terrible.

**Tweekers:** You should. He almost died.

**Mysterion:** I want to make it up to him, but I feel like he'd be better without me in his life.

**Tweekers:** Yeah. You might be right.

**Mysterion:** You aren't being very encouraging.

**Tweekers:** I just don't even care. My best friend almost died because no one gave two shits about him, and now suddenly everyone is acting like they care? I hope you feel guilty. You all deserve to feel guilty. I deserve to feel guilty. I can't believe we let this happen.

**Mysterion:** You did your part. The rest of us were busy being fucktards over girls and shit.

**Tweekers:** Well, my girl actually cared.

**Mysterion:** Krisa cares too. Stop being such an asshole. I'm really fucking sorry. Can't you fucking let me apologize.

**Tweekers:** It's a little late for that, don't you think?

**Mysterion:** I sincerely fucking hope not.


	6. Chapter 6

**This chapter is for Designer101, who brought it to my attention that April May hasn't gotten a whole lot of air time. So, I thought hard about how April May would be feeling at this point, and based it partially off of my freshman year time-table. I hope you don't mind that I've taken some liberties with her character in order to reflect the psyche of a girl going through the disappointment that is the 9th grade. Hopefully I've added some depth and haven't just alienated her creator. XD **  
**Forgive me if I've ruined her for you.  
**

From April May's Diary

I sat next to Kyle in science today. I tried to start a conversation, but he seemed distracted. While Mr. Dawkins lectured Kyle kept turning around to smile at Gabby. I tried my best to block out their whispers, but Gabby's voice kept seeping in. It was impossible to not be bothered by her obnoxious giggles. At one point, I considered just offering to switch seats with her, but I knew she'd like that. I was the second person into class in the morning, just so I could sit next to Kyle, and he just looked at me kind of uncomfortably when I sat down, like he was considering telling me that the seat was reserved even though we were the only two in the classroom. Then, David came in and sat on Kyle's other side, not noticing the tension. David is such a sweet guy. He waved at us both and smiled as he took his seat.

When Gabby finally got to class the room was half full, and I could tell that Kyle was trying to hide his irritation with me for taking her seat. He gave her an apologetic look and glanced over at me to indicate that the seating arrangement wasn't his idea. Gabby just shrugged and took the seat directly behind him. Sometimes it is hard to hate her. Then, she took off her purple jacket and I watched Kyle taking in the fit of her low-cut shirt. I could have murdered them both.

Kyle's entire posture was pointed away from me for the entire period. And, when Mr. Dawkins asked someone from each table (we sit in tables that seat three) to come up and collect the lab sheets Kyle got out of his seat in a rush, like he couldn't wait to be away from me. Gabby got up for her table, and they both lingered at the front of the classroom for as long as they could. I wanted to cry.

To distract myself from the obvious snub, I counted up my calories and checked my progress as far as operation stop being a fat-ass is concerned. I know that I've lost twenty pounds since December, but when I look in the mirror it looks like I've gained if anything. Some people would call me sick or anorexic, but the truth is what everyone else considers "average" is pretty hefty. No wonder everyone is so obese in America, they keep making the "healthy" weight heavier. Even now that I'm technically underweight I feel disgusting.

Last night a ate a cup of that 100 calorie yoghurt. I shouldn't have eaten so late. I'm sure every calorie went straight to my stomach. It's weird, but ever since I started dieting (or rather, stopped eating like a pig) I've kind of lost interest in a lot of things I used to like. I used to watch ghost hunters every day after school, but I just can't feel that excitement any more. I would be worried about anorexia ruining my personality or something, but I just don't look anorexic enough to be concerned yet. I'm kind of looking forward to when I do.

Kyle was the first one who noticed that I'd lost weight over winter break, and it felt so good to hear him say "You look like you've lost some weight.". I'm not sure if it was a compliment then or not, but since then lots to people have commented. The girls in dance are all jealous, and I tell them they should just skip lunch and dinner when possible, and load up on fruits and veggies at breakfast. But, I understand why other people can't seem to lose weight. It takes A LOT of pain and will power to resist food. Sometimes I wake up from dreams about a big delicious (disgustingly fattening) cheese burger, and I cry myself back to sleep. To be thin you must be willing to live with that constant feeling of emptiness. Just a few more pounds and I'll finally be at my goal, but even then I'll have to constantly keep myself moving to prevent fat from catching me.

Maybe if I get to my weight goal I wont need to think about Kyle any more. Maybe I'll be pretty enough to find someone else who is even more perfect than Kyle. But, I doubt it. Gabby has huge thighs, but her boobs balance it out. If I only gained weight in my boobs I would be a happy camper, but even then I'd still be a little wary of food. It's like food is an addiction and most people just don't even bother to kick the habit. Maybe if Kyle would give me a second thought I'd not have to worry about making myself perfect for him. It's crazy that I even try now, since he only notices Gabby. But, I keep trying, just to keep that last glimmer of hope alive.

Maybe that's what Butters needed. If he'd had some little thing to keep hope alive maybe he wouldn't have given up. It's weird not having him at school. It's like there is a black hole where he used to be, but now everyone has just stopped noticing it. That was only a little over a month ago. It seems like forever ago. I feel bad for Tweek, but at least he has Ash. She's really sweet. But, you can afford to be sweet when you are in love with someone who loves you back.

The rest of my day was kind of a blur. People lived through their little dramas and I counted calories. I took a TV dinner up to my room and fed it to the dog. I wiped his chops so no one would suspect anything. Now, he has the worst smelling gas. It's practically impossible to breathe in my room. Lucky for me, my mom is blaming it on the new wet-food we bought on sale at the pet shop. Poor dog, he's had to digest all of the food that I've been pretending to eat since the diet. I don't think he even realizes it's making him fat.


	7. Chapter 7

**Tweek:** Excited about coming back tomorrow?

**Butters:** I guess.

**Tweek:** Don't be afraid. You might get some stares at first, but everyone will just be glad to have you back. We've all missed you.

**Butters:** Okay.

**Tweek:** I can come over and help you get ready.

**Butters:** That's okay. I can manage on my own.

**Tweek:** I've missed you.

**Butters:** Gosh, I missed you too.

**Tweek:** Prepare yourself for bro hugs in the morning.

**Butters:** =)

**Butters:** I can't do it.

**Tweek:** Of course you can! I'll be there with you each step of the way.

**Butters:** It's 4:00 AM and I still can't sleep I'm so scared.

**Tweek:** Is your bedroom window open?

**Butters:** I don't know. Let me check.

**Butters:** Yes.

**Tweek:** Good. I'll be there in a minute.

**Ash:** Where are you.

**Tweek:** Holy crap. How is it already 8:30? I slept over at Butters' house.

**Ash:** Is he okay?

**Tweek:** Yeah. He was having trouble falling asleep.

**Ash:** Lol. If I didn't know any better I'd think you had some kind of bromance going on behind my back.

**Tweek:** Haha. You'd love to see that wouldn't you.

**Ash:** You know it. ;)

**Tweek:** He's taking forever in the shower, so don't wait for us.

**Ash:** Okay. See ya at school!

**Ash:** Where are you?

**Tweek:** Minor crisis here, but it's been taken care of.

**Ash:** Oh no, what happened?

**Tweek:** Butters had a little break down in the shower and I had to help him out... this is as close to bromance as you're ever getting, so don't get your hopes up.

**Ash:** It's already half way through third period, are you sure it wouldn't be better just to forget today and try again tomorrow?

**Tweek:** Yeah, I've considered that, but Butters wanted to come to school. We're half way there now.

**Ash:** Okay. I'll save you guys a seat a lunch. And, can I ask you just one little question?

**Tweek:** Sure, go ahead.

**Ash:** Did you have to help him get dressed?

**Tweek:** Yeah, but it wasn't a big deal. He's like my brother.

**Ash:** That's all I wanted to know. ;D

**Ash:** Are you ditching again?

**Elissa:** I wouldn't call it ditching so much as alternative education.

**Ash:** Lemmy guess, you're learning about the human body with Craig?

**Elissa:** You're good. Care to join?

**Ash:** I'll pass.

**Elissa:** Come on, you know you want me.

**Ash:** Pfft. You're such a fag.

**Elissa:** I love you.

**Ash:** Love you too, fag.

**Tweek:** Butters is coming back today, so could you maybe tone down the lovey-dovey with Kenny?

**Krisa:** Yeah, of course. We're not at school anyway. How is he doing?

**Tweek:** He's fine, all things considered.

**Krisa:** That's really good to hear.

**Tweek:** I know. I just wish I could be sure of him. It's hard to tell how he's really feeling.

**Krisa:** Just stick by his side... I know you always do. If I was Butters I couldn't ask for a better friend than you.

**Tweek:** Thanks. I really hope so.

**Krisa:** And, I know it doesn't make any difference, but Kenny is really sorrier than he can put into words.

**Tweek:** I know.

**Tweek:** Could you tell Kyle that Butters is coming back today? I thought he might want to know.

**Stan:** Sure, but I can't believe you're still not speaking to him. He made a mistake, everyone did. It's a human thing to do.

**Tweek:** I don't really want to talk about that.

**Stan:** Sure, sure, whatever. I'll play messenger boy for you. Tell Butters I said hi.

**Tweek:** Wait, aren't you at school?

**Stan:** Nope. I've got SARS.

**Tweek:** That sucks. Get well soon.

**Stan:** Thanks. You take care of Butters.

**Lily:** Hey, did your brother say if Butters was coming to school today?

**Lamia:** Yeah. I think so. He stayed over at Butters's (Butter's? Butters'?). I think they're probably sleeping in or something if they aren't at school yet.

**Lily:** Okay. Cause Pip and I baked scones for him.

**Lamia:** Aww. That's sweet. Speaking of which, how was your little "camping trip"?

**Lily:** Oh that... :) Well, suffice it to say we had a good time.

**Lamia:** Haha. Don't have too much fun!

**Lily:** Yeah, yeah. We were safe.

**Lamia:** Did you use the flavored condoms we bought?

**Lily:** We used five.

**Lamia:** You are soooo bad! I haven't even gotten to use one with Ryan yet.

**Lily:** You've just turned 13, I hope not!

**Lamia:** =P. Is Pip any good?

**Lily:** Heck yes.

**Lamia:** When he comes does he shout "god save the queen!"?

**Lily:** You are one sick little girl.

**Lamia:** Thank you.

**Lily:** See you after school!

**Lamia:** Baaaiii.

**Malice:** You are looking much better.

**Butters:** Thanks. I'm glad you think so.

**Malice:** Are you over at Tweek's house right now?

**Butters:** Yes.

**Malice:** Would you mind if I stopped by for a second?

**Butters:** That'd be really nice.

**Malice:** Cool. I think Kuran and Akiko were also thinking of stopping by.

**Butters:** Gee everyone is being so nice to me.

**Malice:** Everyone likes you. You're too cute.

**Butters:** (-*:

**Malice:** Is that a teary face or a blushy face?

**Butters:** Blushy...

**Malice:** You are so adorable.

**Butters:** Thanks. You're not so bad yourself.

**Malice:** I try. ;)

**Token:** It was really great to have you back, Butters.

**Butters:** Aww, thanks Token.

**Token:** It's true. We all missed you. School felt empty without you there.

**Butters:** Thanks. I missed you all too.

**Token:** Good, then you'll stay with us. I really hope you mean that.

**Elissa:** We're having a welcome back party for Butters, the drinks are on Craig.

**Kyle:** Is Tweek going to be there.

**Elissa:** Yeah, he happens to be Butters' best friend.

**Kyle:** I don't know if I should go.

**Elissa:** Well, your girlfriend Gabby is, so man up.

**Kyle:** You invited her seperately?

**Elissa:** Yeah, I kind of knew you'd be a pussy about it otherwise. Seriously, just forget about Tweek. This party is for Butters.

**Kyle:** Okay.

**Elissa:** Good.

**Cartman:** Why wasn't I invited to the party?

**Craig:** Because you're an asshole.

**Cartman:** I'm Butters' friend too!

**Craig:** Yeah, but you're an asshole.

**Cartman:** What did I do?

**Craig:** You blame him for everything, you get him in trouble for fun, you probably get off to him being beaten by his parents, you tried to sell his organs when he was in the hospital, you're just a terrible person.

**Cartman:** Fuck you, Craig.

**Craig:** (-_-)_,,/,,

**Red:** Brian and I are bringing the foldable beer pong table.

**Elissa:** Sweet. Thanks, dude.

**Red:** Any time! See ya in an hour!

**Lamia:** Who invited April le Anorexic?

**Lily:** Come on, you shouldn't call her that. She can't help having an eating disorder.

**Lamia:** Seriously? Have you seen the way she looks at people? It's like she's measuring the fat with her eyes.

**Lily:** Well, she is obsessed with it. What do you expect?

**Lamia:** I dunno, but I hope it isn't to windy out. She might blow away.

**Lily:** Not funny.

**Lamia:** Okay, how about this one. Why did the anorexic snort splenda?

**Lily:** Come on...

**Lamia:** She thought it was diet coke!

**Lily:** You have a morbid sense of humor.

**Lamia:** Why, tank you.

**Lily:** And, if I had a conscience I'd tell you how politically incorrect that was.

**Lamia:** Yeah, but being politically correct is totally gay.

**Lily:** Okay... there you go again.

**Lamia:** Cum on, you know I don't have a problem with gay people.

**Lily:** That was deliberate.

**Lamia:** I was going to tell you an awesome gay joke, butt fuck it.

**Lily:** You are the worst!

**Lamia:** Eh, we're all fucking assholes.

**Lily:** I see what you did there. It wasn't funny.

**Lamia:** Bye bye.

**Lily:** Good riddance.

**Lamia:** Do you like fish sticks? *trollface*


	8. Chapter 8

The Party Reported for You Live By, Lamia Tweak:

**6:00 PM** Elissa Thorn lights a joint, and smokes it.

**6:15** **PM** Elissa Thorn blows smoke into Craig Tucker's mouth. Craig Tucker takes the joint and blows smoke into Elissa Thorn's mouth. They kiss sluggishly, contentedly.

**6:30** **PM** Malice Solomon slowdances with Butters Stotch.

**7:00** **PM** Eric Cartman crashes the party. A fight breaks out between Cartman and Kyle. Tweek breaks it up and winds up with a bloody nose. Ash takes him aside, into the kitchen. She tends to his wounds, and then they cuddle while the party recollects itself. Isn't that cute?

**7:30** **PM** Stan Marsh calls Elissa and is put on speaker-phone. Everyone shouts to be heard, and Stan can't understand a word that is being said.

**8:00** **PM** Everyone except myself and April May seems to be some degree of shit-faced.

**8:20 PM** Lily and Pip go upstairs to be alone. I sure hope they brought protection!

**8:30** **PM** Craig is leading Elissa to another unoccupied bedroom. Kyle makes a crude remark, and Craig is giving him the finger. That's right folks, who'da thunk it? Craig Tucker is giving someone the finger. Now, you don't see that every day.

**8:50** **PM** Tweek and Ash are awkwardly pretending they didn't just have a quickie in the kitchen. Annnd, Tweek is trying to steal my goddamn voice recorder. Too bad his coordination is impared after too many drinks.

**9:00 PM** Akiko had to go home, because her parents will kill her if she isn't back by 9:30. Any minute now this party should break out into a spontaneous orgy if fan fiction is to be believed. Speaking of which, I am reading the shit out of this Doctor Who slash fiction. Mmhmm. Life is good.

**9:30 PM** Vinnie and Bebe are practically fucking through their clothes. I guess they are calling that dancing. Fuck you too, Bebe!

**9:40 PM** My voice is getting tired, but there is nothing to drink but beer.

**10:00 PM** Technically, Butters was supposed to be home five hours ago. So, it can't hurt to stay out past his bed time now, can it?

**10:30 PM** Several people are playing drunk monopoly. Others are upstairs playing twister without a mat, if you know what I mean.

**10:40 PM** Gabby put some moves on Kyle, and April May ran out of the party. I hope she doesn't get kidnapped by a crow building a nest. (She's a twig, get it?)

**11:00 PM** Okay, I gave in and had a beer. Butters is laying on the couch with his head in Malice's lap. They are too cute!

**11:30 PM** I'm getting kind of tired. I think I'll leave in a little bit.

**12:00 AM** Apparently, Pip can't hold his drink. He puked up all over Craig's carpet. I feel bad for whoever has to clean that.

**12:30 AM** David and a couple other people went home. I think Butters is drunk. Poor baby, he looks so sad now that Malice is gone.

**12:40 AM** I don't know why, but Butters started crying and everyone dropped everything to go comfort him. Everyone here loves him so much. I'm going to cuddle him as we speak. He makes me wish I was a gay man, just so I could cuddle him more often. He's so adorable. He's like a baby, or a puppy, or a kitten or something. I think I might be a little drunk.

**1:00 AM** Okay, apparently we don't give a fuck that some of us have school tomorrow. Craig looks sleepy, so maybe he'll kick us out. I think this might just turn into a sleepover, since Butters just fell asleep on Tweek's shoulder. Butters is too freaking cute. I want to pet him!

**1:30 AM** The party is finally fucking over. It was fun and all, but I'm going to have a major hangover tomorrow... and I have a goddamn science test. I think Butters and Ash are sleeping over at my house (with Tweek, of course). A bunch of other people left in groups to sleep over at one or another's house too. Elissa is staying the night with Craig. I kind of doubt they'll be getting much sleep. I invited Lily and Pip to sleep over, and if Pip can stand up this is probably going to happen.

**2:00 AM** So, Lily and I just managed to strip Pip out of his vomitty clothes. And, I'm impressed with what I'm allowed to see. I begged Lily to keep him that way (naked), but she said no. They're sharing a sleeping bag. I wonder if my brother is having sex with Ash up stairs. I really really hope not. That's nasty. If I didn't have to worry about walking in on them doing something nasty, I'd totally go up there and snuggle with Butters. Anyway, I'm dead in my tracks, so good night!


	9. Chapter 9

**Sorry for the wait... lots of real life drama and obligations. Anyway. So, I was just listening to "Now That I Know" by, Devendra Banhart, and this chapter just kind of happened. If you would like a sound track for this chapter I highly recommend going youtube and giving the song a listen. I'm personally not a fan of songfics, so I haven't included the lyrics or anything, but if you've been through any sort of loss you should understand how this song relates. The song is really quite beautiful.**

Elissa: I've got news.

Elissa: You're not going to like it.

Craig: What is it?

Elissa: Just come outside. I'm in front of your house.

Elissa: I told him.

Ash: How did he take it?

Elissa: Surprisingly well, for someone whose life has just been ruined.

Ash: So you've decided to keep it then?

Elissa: I haven't decided anything.

Ash: Be strong. I'll be over in an hour.

Ash: I can't come over tonight, but I left my sociology notes in your desk if you need them. XOXO

Tweek: Thanks. What's going on.

Ash: Girl stuff. Can't say.

Tweek: Okay.

Elissa: I don't blame you if you never want to speak to me again.

Craig: Not your fault.

Elissa: Well... yeah, it sort of is.

Craig: It's half my fault.

Elissa: What are we going to do about it?

Craig: I don't know. It's yours to decide.

Elissa: No, it's not just mine.

Craig: Do whatever you think is best.

Elissa: I have no fucking clue what I think is best. That's why I'm asking you.

Craig: We're kids. How the hell should we know?

Elissa: No, Craig. We stopped being kids when we started this thing.

Craig: I don't know. I don't fucking know.

Elissa: Well, maybe you should have thought of it before you fucked me.

Craig: ...

Elissa: Forget it.

Ash: Hey, Bebe, do you remember that time you thought you were pregnant so you stole your cousin's morning after pill?

Bebe: Yeah...

Ash: Do you happen to have access to any more of those pills?

Bebe: Oh my god. Do you think you're pregnant? I don't have any pills. Morning after pills only work the morning after anyway.

Ash: Where did you hear that? And, I'm not pregnant. It's for a friend.

Bebe: Why do you think they are called morning after pills? Who is pregnant then?

Ash: Nevermind. And, telling you who it is would be a major violation of female bro-code.

Bebe: I'll find out.

Ash: So why bother asking?

Bebe: If you are pregnant, then you and Tweek would make a pretty baby.

Ash: Um... thanks?

Craig: I am so fucked.

Tweek: What else is new?

Craig: Elissa is pregnant.

Tweek: Okay. That IS new.

Craig: I am so fucked.

Tweek: Gaaah! You are serious! What are you going to do? You're only in High School, if you have a kid then you'll drop out and have to do menial jobs for the rest of your life and just barely scrape by. You'll live on food stamps! What are you going to do?

Craig: Remind me never to come to you for reassurance.

Tweek: Why does everyone I know end up getting fucked? Why does the universe hate all of my friends?

Craig: You are trolling.

Tweek: Yeah, pretty much.

Craig: Fuck you.

Tweek: Alright, I deserved that. But, on the bright side, my parents are at a coffee convention in Portland.

Craig: How does that make anything better?

Tweek: Well, now when you and Elissa get kicked out of the house and shunned by your families you'll have a place to stay. Right next to Butters and my little sister Lolita. I can rename the place Tweak's Crisis Center.

Craig: Isn't your little sister named Lamia? And fuck you if you are joking about having room in your house for us.

Tweek: Yeah, but Lamia is turning into a Lolita. And, no I'm not joking about having space. We have too much space. Ever since we became a coffee chain we've been in a big house with nothing to fill it with. Come on over. Butters has been here ever since his fucktard parents disowned him.

Criag: You sound like daytime TV.

Tweek: Really? That dramatic? If anything I should be more dramatic. Bad things happen to everyone I care about.

Craig: Can I move in today?

Tweek: You told your parents?

Craig: No. I'm not doing that until I'm away from the house.

Tweek: Smart move. How about Elissa?

Craig: She's with me.

Tweek: Might as well move you both in a once. You'll be sharing sleeping quarters in all likelihood.

Craig: Yeah.

Tweek: This is the longest conversation we've had in a while.

Craig: Yeah.

Tweek: Okay, I'll stop texting you now. See you in a bit.

Lamia: Why did you call me while I was in class?

Tweek: Where are the futons?

Lamia: I don't know. Have you checked in the front hall closet?

Tweek: Yeah. Nothing but tennis gear.

Lamia: Try the tea room. They might be with the yoga mats.

Tweek: Ah! Good guess. Got them. Thanks.

Lamia: No problem.

Lily: I was in the shower. Why did you call so many times?

Lamia: I think Craig and Elissa are living in my house. And, I just got my period.

Lily: Wow. Doesn't everyone in South Park live at your house at one time or another? And, congrats on your period! Welcome to womanhood! We'll have to celebrate this weekend.

Lamia: I think they got busted for drugs or something. And, thanks. But, it hurts. I'm already sick of it.

Lily: Get them out of your house! You don't want to be housing fugitives! Do you want me to bring some midol?

Lamia: Tweek brought them here. If we were in any trouble he would have flipped the fuck out already. But, still. It feels like we've become some sort of wayward youth communal living facility. And, no thanks. The drug store is two minutes away from here. I'll just go get some myself.

Lily: Lol. You are a wayward youth colony.

Lamia: How are you anyway?

Lily: Fine. Pip has been practically living at my house.

Lamia: Nice.

Lily: I know. ^_^

Lamia: Ugh. It's getting dark, I'd better go to the store before the creepers come out.

Lily: Good luck! Don't get raped!

Lamia: You are too kind.

Tweek: Have you seen my sister?

Lily: She is out getting midol.

Tweek: Eeww. "She's out." Would have sufficed. Thanks.

Lily: *eyeroll* Any time.

Tweek: Okay, it's been two hours. Is she at your house now?

Lily: No. She isn't here. Have you tried calling her?

Tweek: Yeah, but she wont answer her phone.

Lily: I'll try her.

Tweek: Thanks.

Lily: I'm getting worried. I called AND texted her like ten times, and she isn't answering. Will you run down to the drugstore and see if she's still there for some reason?

Tweek: Okay.

Lily: Did you find her.

Tweek: They said she was here a couple of hours ago.

Lily: Oh, my god. This isn't okay. Have you tried her boyfriend's house?

Tweek: Yeah. She's not there either.

Lily: I'm worried.

Tweek: What should I do?

Lily: I don't know. I've started calling around. No one has seen her.

Tweek: I'm going to call the cops.

Lily: Okay. I'm coming over.

Tweek: No, stay where you are in case she shows up there.

Lily: Okay.

Craig: Why are there cops outside of the house. Did someone call the cops on us?

Tweek: No. Lamia's missing. I'm outside with them.

Craig: I see you.

Tweek: The hospital called me just now. She's there.

Lily: Oh my god. I'm already on my way. Why didn't we try the hospital first?

Tweek: I'll meet you there. The cops are calling my parents. Craig and Elissa are staying at my place still. The cops don't know they're there.

Lily: I'm in the lobby where are you?

Tweek: Floor 4. Bed 9.

Ash: What happened?

Tweek: My sister was hit by a car. She's not looking good.

Ash: Do you want me to come over?

Tweek: We're at the hospital. They just rolled her away again.

Ash: Is she concious?

Tweek: No. She's in the trauma center.

Ash: I'll be there in a minute.

Tweek: Lamia is in the hospital.

Butters: What happened?

Tweek: Hit and run drier.

Butters: Is she okay.

Tweek: No.

Butters: My gosh. I'll come meet you.

Tweek: I'm just sitting in the lobby. They're not letting us in.

Butters: I'm coming.

Tweek: I'm scared. What if she dies?

Butters: It's going to be okay.

Tweek: Why is this happening? Why does shit always happen to people I care about? What the fuck?

Butters: Just breathe.

Tweek: I can't. This is so wrong.

Butters: Do you remember when we were twelve, and my dad nearly beat me to death for dressing in my mom's clothes? Do you remember what you told me? You said that you'd be there for me whatever happened. And you were. I've got your back. I was so scared back then. I used to lock all the doors and hide, and just cry. I felt so alone. And, then you were there and I was still scared, but I knew I could handle it with you there. You let me in through your bedroom window and held my hand as I bled and cried. You gave me something to hold on to. This is the same. Just, don't hide how you feel. Let us all in so we can hold your hand. Lamia is a tough girl. She wont go down without a fight.

Tweek: Thank you. You're my best friend.

Butters: Don't mention it. I'm almost there.


	10. Chapter 10

**Lamia's Recovery Blog**

Hey guys! Good news- I'm finally getting my neck-brace off! I've been trying to take things as they come, and look at things optimistically. And, to be honest, I feel great. I mean, emotionally of course, but even my physical pain has nearly stopped. It feels great to be able to move my head now. I'm still scared of screwing my neck up if I turn my head too far, so I've been taking it easy. I'll admit I was more than a little bummed when the doctor said that I'll probably never walk unassisted again, but nowadays everything is handicap accessible, and I'll never have to carry my own books around at school ever again. Physical therapy is going great. I've gained complete mobility in my hands and arms. I'll almost miss not having to write my own notes in class. Luckily for me the injury was below the thoracic vertebra, meaning that everything in my upper body will eventually work normally. So, I'm not a quadriplegic. Through group therapy sessions I've actually managed to connect with some very awesome (handy-capable) paraplegics like myself. I'd like to thank Jimmy Valmer for showing me that the handicapped can be capable. Jimmy is a really awesome guy. He's probably the funniest person I know. And, if you are reading this right now, Jimmy, I'd like to to know that you are the biggest inspiration. If it hadn't been for you (and all of my other wonderful supportive friends) I don't think I would have had the strength to go on. Now, I am grateful for my handicap, because without it I might have never met you.

One of the most common questions I get asked is "what did it feel like" with regard to the accident. The truth is, my memories of the accident are sort of foggy. I don't remember seeing the car that hit me. But, I do have some vague recollection of being on the curb. I was unconscious for several hours, and due to the head trauma I have had a seizure problem ever since. Because of the seizures they kept me in the hospital even after I'd left the trauma facility. Rehab has been long and difficult, but in the end it is worth it. I still have sensation in the lower extremities, and this is a good sign. Aside from being unable to walk unassisted, I am completely healthy. If anything, I am more in shape now than I was before the accident, thanks to tons of physical therapy. Another question I have been asked a couple times is what surprised me most after the accident. Well, aside from finding out that I was paraplegic, it was the psych evaluation they gave me before the doctors agreed to release me. They kept asking if I was suicidal, and I was honestly offended. I was just glad to be alive, and here they were asking me these things as if I had more to be upset about than grateful for. But, their hearts were in the right place. It saddens me that so many paraplegics would resort to this way out, when there is so much left to live for. If anything, the struggle has given me more of a purpose in life.

I had an interesting conversation with a friend of mine today, who for privacy purposes I will call "Emily" here. Emily is fifteen years old and six months pregnant. She isn't ready to be a mother, but she was having trouble with the thought of putting the baby up for adoption. She was concerned about whether or not adoptive parents can love their adoptive babies as much as their biological kids. She was surprised to learn that I am an adopted child myself. Yep! That's right! And, my adoptive parents have driven me to physical therapy every day since I got out of the hospital, stayed with me while I was in the hospital even with a business to run. My adoptive brother turned the town upside-down searching for me when I didn't come home the night of the accident, and has traded me for his bedroom since it is down stairs and therefore more accessible than my old bedroom, plus it has a bathroom of its own. He wasn't even asked to do this, he just offered it to me out of the blue after watching me struggle my way upstairs. He moved everything from our rooms to make the switch without my help (though I did get to tell him where to put things, and felt like a queen). While I was in the hospital my brother visited me every day, to keep me up-to-date on the goings on about the town, knowing I wouldn't want to miss anything. Basically, I have the most loving and caring family in town. My brother is my parents' biological son, and I was a later adoption (I was two when they adopted me). They've always treated me like their little princess and I couldn't hope for a better family. My birth mother was a teenager, still a kid herself, who wasn't ready to take care of a kid of her own. She held half-way held on to me for the first few months of my life, while I bounced from the care of one unwilling relative to another. My birth mother had to drop out of school because of me and for this reason could never find a paying job. She resorted to drug use, and I was taken out of her custody when I was a year old. I don't have any hard feelings for my birth mother. Sometimes I do wonder what she is doing now, where she might be, and whether she has started a family on her own watch. But, having my loving family has made up for any of her mistakes. The best thing she could have done was give me away to be loved and cared for by a family that was ready and willing.

Emily's dad left her mom when she was quite young, and she faced abuse at the hands of her stepfather. So, it is no surprise to me that she is having some trouble trusting non-biological parents. Believe it or not, not all adopted kids end up with abandonment issues. In my case, if anything, I wish my birth mother had given me up sooner so I could have been a part of my family from the very start. Family doesn't need to be blood related to share strong bonds. But, yeah. It was a really emotional talk we had, and by the end we had both used about a million tissues. We looked kind of hilarious, me in a wheelchair unable to move, and then Emily sitting there unable to move because of her big belly. We ended up cracking up. It was one of those cathartic moments that you are lucky to get a couple of times in your life. I think we've really bonded. I'm sorry I haven't been blogging in a couple of weeks, but I've been really busy with High School registration stuff and summer reading. Oh god. Speaking of which, Charles Dickens. If he was alive I would kill him. That wraps up my post! Thanks for all of your comments and support, guys, you've been a great help!

Love, Lamiii


	11. Chapter 11

**So, I might have slightly altered some of your character history. Don't kill me. If it is too much, please poke me and say so. Also, if any of your characters are not getting enough screen time, kindly nudge me! I wont bite, I promise! Akiko is now a more recent immigrant, just because she really really reminds me of a recent immigrant friend of mine who is from Vietnam, not Japan, but yeah. There are some cultural parallels, since Akiko's dad sounds like a strict Vietnamese dad anyway. (Yeah, I'm half-Asian, so I'm not being racist). And, Tlephin, don't worry. Jimmy got hot over the years. Yes, there are attractive guys with handicaps, I happen to know a few. If you would like a RL visual for what he might sort of look like, feast your eyes on Walt Jr. from Breaking Bad. It has been taking me a while to post, thanks to college. But, comments do encourage me to post sooner, so don't think that I'm not hearing you. I love you guys! And, WARNING: Gore.  
**

**From April May's Dairy  
**

This is how far it has gone. I've got a pacemaker now. Ana is killing me and giving me a reason to live. Without Ana I would have no hope, no chance of coming near that elusive thing called satisfaction. I'm never quite satisfied but I come damn near close whenever I look at the scale and see that I've lost a pound. You'd think that sitting amid the mass of wires and tubes that are keeping me alive I'd contemplate something profound, like the brevity of our existence. But, here I am, near to death, thinking about Kyle. I hate him, but I want him still. All of my other desires, the ones I had before Ana, have slipped away and become meaningless to me. The pacemaker scar area is always sore. It's like it is going to pop out of me. I feel the pressure from it constantly, a reminder of how much I've fucked up my life. The depressing part is I still feel fat. I'm more afraid of being forced to gain weight than dying this way now. It's insane, suicidal even. But that is how I feel. I might not be able to start school in the fall because I'm being hospitalized with prolonged treatment for my "disorder". I can't believe I've lost an entire year of my life to this. I can't eat anything without feeling pain now. It's like my stomach is so used to being empty that having to digest food puts and undue burden on it. I'm a burden to my family now. If I just died then they wouldn't have to pay any more outrageous hospital bills or worry about me anymore. Any potential I had to do anything has been lost by this disease. I'm going to die. I can feel it. And, I'm not afraid.

**Elissa's Pregnancy Log**

The baby is kicking my bladder and now I have to pee every five minutes. That's cool. That's really cool. Thanks baby. Craig took me shopping for fat-clothes today. Maternity shopping is awkward enough without having a guy carry my stuff. But, it was a sweet gesture. Craig seemed uncomfortable the whole time, but didn't say anything. He's trying to do the right thing by me. I told him about my decision to give the baby up for adoption last week, and I could tell he was very relieved and at the same time a little bit disappointed. I feel like I'm carrying someone else's child, and I have to take good care of this little bugger for whoever his or her parents are. I don't want to know who adopts the baby. After this is done I'll try my best to pretend it never happened. Clothes always look terrible on me now that I'm a walking planet. The one positive is that my boobs have grown a lot. I bought low cut shirts for that reason. At least Craig can look at me from the breasts up. Last night I had a nightmare that I had a C-section. That would be the last thing I need- a daily reminder of this whole ordeal. I'm making it a point to push that thing out of me before they can even suggest it. I had a mild freak out in the baby clothes section. After that we shopped we stopped at the food court and I ate like a starving woman. I'm hungry all the fucking time now. I would have worried about looking like a pig in front of Craig, but at this point he has seen me in every unflattering light possible, so I just don't even give a shit. Though, he did ask whether I was eating for two or if I was eating for twenty. Hahaha. I'd like to see him push a baby out of his ass.

**Lamia's Recovery Blog**

One of the mixed blessings about becoming handicapped is that you find out who your real friends are. Todd Brown was not one of my real friends. We'd been dating on and off for a year, and about six weeks before the accident he asked me to go steady. Well, as soon as it came out that I was going to be wheelchair bound, he decided he couldn't wait around for me and started dating the next girl who looked half-way appealing. See, if I hadn't found out that a lot of my friends were actually much truer than I'd ever dared to believe, this might have really bugged me. But, I'm actually glad that Todd is gone now! If he'd stuck around I might never have gotten to know Jimmy Valmer- the last gentleman on the planet! I just had a fantastic evening with Jimmy. He invited me to see him to stand up at the comedy club and it was amazing. Everyone was spitting their drinks out their noses it was so funny. Jimmy just has a really quick wit and amazing stage presence. He's got to be one of the most talented people I know. But, here's where it gets PG-13. After the show was over, we walked out back and shared a kiss. Not a little kiss, a good one. He was surprisingly (no offence to him) experienced. His lips were soft, but in a natural way. His mouth tasted like minty gum, and it was a generally pleasant experience. Guess who's not single any more? That's right, Lamia Tweak. And, my handicapped hubby is fine as heck!

**Brian:** So, we just saw cabin in the woods, and now you are inviting a bunch of teenagers to stay out in a cabin in the woods, do you not see how this could go wrong?

**Red:** Ummm. No?

**Brian:** ...I love you.

**Red:** You too! 3 Do you want to call Craig, or do you think that Elissa is too far along for that?

**Brian:** Well, we could at least give him a heads up.

**Red:** Okay. How about Token, he's the only one without a girlfriend coming.

**Brian:** Au contraire, ma chérie. Token is very much attached to that Irish girl.

**Red:** Shovan? The video-gamer?

**Brian:** You are quite intuitive, darling. And it is spelled _Siobhán_, not Shovan.

**Red:** Oh my god! Token is so cool. Why is he with her?

**Brian:** Maybe he likes her?

**Red:** No way!

**Brian:** Well, why else would he be dating her?

**Red:** I guess she's sort of pretty.

**Brian:** Are you kidding? She's gorgeous. (Not as gorgeous as you.)

**Red:** Hmph. You just like gingers.

**Brain:** Sooo, who else is going, ma petite chérie?

**Red:** Stan and Wendy, Gabby and Kyle (if they don't kill each other first), Bebe and Vinnie, Lily and Pip, maybe Tweek and Ash (if they aren't taking care of Tweek's sister), and Tweek and that other gay kid. And, I'm probably missing some people.

**Brain:** So, just count on there being no room to breathe?

**Red:** Nope. I've got the loft reserved for you and me.

**Brian:** So, we'll have time for just moi et toi?

**Red:** Mm-hm.

**Brian:** I'm excited. ;)

**Red:** You should be!

**Bebe: **This is going to be so cool.

**Vinnie:** Yeah, yeah, just make sure you don't get caught.

**Bebe:** I wont get caught. I'm not stupid. Just bring a car or something. I don't know how we're going to do this if you don't have a car.

**Vinnie:** I'll figure something out.

**Elissa:** What? Why do you keep calling me? I'm pregnant. I need sleep.

**Bebe:** Guess where I am?

**Elissa:** Let me guess, face deep in dick.

**Bebe:** Not yet. Guess again.

**Elissa:** Boozing it up with a bunch of losers.

**Bebe:** Not yet! Do you give up?

**Elissa:** I gave up after you called me the ten millionth time.

**Bebe:** I'm on a motorcycle.

**Elissa:** And... you're texting.

**Bebe:** Vinnie is driving.

**Elissa:** I'm pretty sure it's called "riding" or something, but I didn't even know he had a motorcycle.

**Bebe:** He didn't. He stole it.

**Elissa:** *facepalm* This is a bad idea for so many reasons I don't even...

**Bebe:** Jealous?

**Elissa:** Not really. I've already had my share of risk-taking for one lifetime. As you can see, I ended up pregnant.

**Bebe:** Boo you're such a poo.

**Elissa:** What is that even supposed to mean.

**Bebe:** I don't know, but it isn't good. We're at the party now. So, ttyl fatty.

**Elissa:** Sigh. Go drink yourself into a coma.

**Bebe:** Oooh, by the way, are you going to Red's camping trip?

**Elissa:** Are you kidding? I just saw the Cabin in the Woods. Plus, I'm pregnant if you haven't noticed.

**Bebe:** Jussst checkin'. So, that means Craig wont be going either?

**Elissa:** Nope. He's staying to take care of me.

**Bebe:** Isn't that sweet. You guys make me a little sick.

**Elissa:** Die whore.

**Bebe:** Luv ya too! Whore!

**Akiko:** Thank you for the day big brother.

**Kuran:** Thank you. You made it great.

**Akiko:** I feel so home-sick. I don't know what I do without you.

**Kuran:** Me too, little sister.

**Akiko:** I'm shy so I have trouble make friends. I don't know what will happen if I not met you.

**Kuran:** I'm glad that you are coming out of your shell. You've picked up English very quickly. I remember how hard that was for me.

**Akiko:** It is very difficult. But, you make it better. ^_^

**Kuran:** Good night, little sister.

**Akiko:** Good night big brother.

**Cartman:** Want to have some fun?

**Akiko:** It is late. My father will be displeasant with me.

**Cartman:** Forget it.

**Akiko:** No, please. I listen.

**Cartman:** Do you want to go to a party? A p-a-r-t-y. Where there are drinks and dancing.

**Akiko:** I can not dishonor my father this way. I am very sorry. Good night Eric.

**Cartman:** Don't go back to sleep. I want to talk to you.

**Akiko:** What do you want to talking about?

**Cartman:** You. You like me.

**Akiko:** ... I am sorry for inconvenience you with my feelings. But, can not be helped.

**Cartman:** No, I don't mind.

**Akiko:** You are not angered?

**Cartman:** No. How do I say this...

**Akiko:** I do not know.

**Cartman:** That was a rhetorical question.

**Akiko:** I do not understand you.

**Cartman:** I know. That's why I want to make this very clear.

**Akiko:** Make what?

**Cartman:** Do you want to go out with me.

**Cartman:** Are you still there?

**Akiko:** YES!

**Cartman:** So, I'm getting this right, you do want to go out with me?

**Akiko:** Yes. I do want to go with you Eric. But, we must be secret, or my father kill you. And kill me.

**Cartman:** I can deal with that.

**Akiko:** Me too. ^_^'

**Lily:** Guess where Pip and I went today?

**Lamia:** Planned Parenthood?

**Lily:** You are too funny. No. A sex shop.

**Lamia:** Pip... in a sex shop?

**Lily:** You should have seen his face! I feel like a terrible person for this, but he is just too cute when he's dying of embarrassment.

**Lamia:** What did you buy?

**Lily:** Oh, just some fuzzy hand cuffs... some latex, you know. Simple stuff.

**Lamia:** Did you look at cock-rings?

**Lily:** No, but I think he saw them. He was red as a tomato the whole time.

**Lamia:** Bwahahahaa. I'd love to see that.

**Lily:** Nuh-ah-uh. You're taken now, sweetie.

**Lamia:** How did you know?

**Lily:** I read your blog post. That's really too cute.

**Lamia:** Oh my god, you mean people read that thing?

**Lily:** Well, yeah. If you couldn't tell from the bazillion comments you get on every entry.

**Lamia:** But, I didn't know people from South Park read it!

**Lily:** Well, I do. And, Jimmy does. And, so does Pip.

**Lamia:** Well, that's awkward.

**Lily:** Not as awkward as Pip trying on a latex body suit.

**Lamia:** Mmm. I'll bet you enjoyed that.

**Lily:** Who doesn't love to watch him squirm. He's adorable that way. You should have seen him when we went up to buy the stuff from the clerk.

**Lamia:** Did he faint?

**Lily:** No, but he was close to it. And, then when we were browsing I kept grabbing his butt, super discretely. Needless to say, he had an awkward time trying to walk out of the store. He held the bag in front of his jeans.

**Lamia:** Go on. I'm enjoying this.

**Lily:** Then, we went to the theatre and I kept running my hand up and down his leg, getting closer and closer.

**Lamia:** He came in his pants didn't he?

**Lily:** Let me finish. He kept shooting me looks out of the corner of his eye. He looked all panicky, as if anyone could see us. I had him wearing the leather pants I got him for valentines day, so I could see EVERYTHING. And, then I finally touched him, but through his jeans, and he stood straight up, in the middle of the film. It was kind of hilarious. People were all like "what the hell, sit down". And, then he ran off to the bathroom.

**Lamia:** Wow, that was anticlimactic. I have physical therapy right now, so talk to you later?

**Lily:** Sure thing. Hopefully, by then I'll have something more to tell. And, by the way. You're wrong. There was definitely a climax somewhere in there.

**Gabby:** Who knew that all it took was an argument.

**Kyle:** I think you get off on seeing me angry.

**Gabby:** Well, I know you get off on seeing me angry. That was...something.

**Kyle:** We should argue more often.

**Gabby:** We argue all the time as is... we should just argue more heatedly.

**Kyle:** How did that happen?

**Gabby:** I don't know. One minute you're like "Blah blah blah April May! Your fault! Blah blah blah!" and the next thing, you're on top of me.

**Kyle:** I'm still not happy about this.

**Gabby:** But, the sex makes up for it.

**Kyle:** Would that qualify as hate sex?

**Gabby:** More like anger sex. We don't hate each other. Hate sex would we you banging Cartman.

**Kyle:** Eww. Gross, I didn't need that imagery.

**Gabby:** Are we going to the party as planned?

**Kyle:** It's getting kind of late. I'm all tired out from our... confrontation.

**Gabby:** Why do guys always conk out after sex?

**Kyle:** I don't know. Google it.

**Gabby:** Goodnight then.

**Kyle:** Night.

**Bebe:** We are tripping balls.

**Elissa:** What the fuck. I was trying to sleep. Who is tripping balls?

**Bebe:** Me, Vinnie, and Red and Brian. We're all tripping balls.

**Elissa:** How are you even texting me if you are "tripping balls"?

**Bebe:** I'm tripping. Maybe not balls, but they are. Brian is laughing so hard he is foaming at the mouth.

**Elissa:** You should take him to a doctor.

**Bebe:** Not a chance.

**Elissa:** You guys are way more irresponsible than I ever imagined.

**Bebe:** Shrooms are the bomb.

**Elissa:** Are you sure that's all you guys are on?

**Bebe:** I don't know.

**Elissa:** You sound pretty coherent to me.

**Bebe:** Well, I'm not. Just wanted to tell you how much you are missing out. Bye bye.

**Ash:** They were really sweet together weren't they?

**Tweek:** I thought so.

**Ash:** I'm so glad Butters finally found someone. Malice seems like a really nice kid.

**Tweek:** Yeah, once you get past the multiple piercings and eye-patch.

**Ash:** I think he got his eye gouged out by his step-father or something. That's not his fault.

**Tweek:** Yeah, I just worry. Butters is already unstable enough as it is. Then, you put him with a guy who is obviously even more troubled than he is. I know for a fact that Malice has attempted suicide at least once. His wrist scars are very visible. I'm glad for Butters and all, but I just don't want them to end up like Sid and Nancy.

**Ash:** Sid and Nancy were on drugs. And, which one is Butters? Because, if I remember correctly, it was Sid who ended up killing Nancy and not the other way around.

**Tweek:** I'm just saying.

**Ash:** Butters is a big boy. He can take care of himself.

**Tweek:** You know I want to believe that with all of my heart. But, he's just shown that he is really fragile. I don't think I could survive it if anything happened to him.

**Ash:** I know you only have his best interest in mind, but don't let your worries ruin this for him. Butters is really happy.

**Tweek:** I know. You're probably right. You are always right.

**Ash:** Yep. You'd better remember it. The whole point of a double date was for us to get to know Malice better. And, I think it would be odd if you didn't have any concerns. Just, try to be happy for him.

**Tweek:** I am happy for him. But, I'm still keeping an eye on Malice.

**Ash:** 'Ata boy.

**Krisa:** I don't know what to do.

**Ash:** What happened?

**Krisa:** Well, first of all Kenny and I just had a fight, and now he's pretty much just stormed out of the party, teen-movie style.

**Ash:** Yikes, what happened?

**Krisa:** You know, he's been really depressed since Butters tried to off himself. He just stopped being himself. Now he blames himself for everything and is always saying that he doesn't deserve to be alive and stuff like that. I've been trying my best to make him feel better, but whatever I do just makes everything worse. It's just really frustrating. And, then, tonight, he tells me that he's been cutting himself! Naturally, I freaked the fuck out, and wanted to know why he's been doing this to himself, and why he is only now telling me this. And, I told him he needs to get help NOW. So, then he tells me that there is no point, and he doesn't have the money for psychiatric care anyway, and then he kept going on about how he was sorry for being a drag and he felt so unwanted. And, so I snapped at him, and he ditched. I shouldn't have snapped, but these past few months have just been draining both mentally and emotionally. So, I went looking for him and I can't find him. So, I think he probably went home, but after that whole conversation I'm really worried. I'm debating calling the cops or something.

**Ash:** Did he sound like he was an immediate danger to himself?

**Krisa:** I don't know! I don't think he is stupid enough to do something like that, but now I'm not sure. He's been cutting himself, so isn't that a sign that he's suicidal? You tell me.

**Ash:** Well, self-harm doesn't always mean that a person is suicidal. But, it doesn't preclude some dangerous self destructive behaviour. Have you tried calling him.

**Krisa**: He wont answer.

**Ash:** Did you try his house?

**Krisa:** He doesn't have a home phone. I'm right outside his house. But, hold on. He's calling right now.

**Ash:** Text me when you finish talking.

**Krisa:** Fuck. Fuck FUCK. I heard a gunshot. He said he was sorry for everything, and then I heard a gunshot.

**Ash:** Call 9-1-1, and then call me.

**Caller Krisa:** "Oh my god. Holy fucking Jesus. His door was open, so I walked in. And... My god. My fucking god. He's dead. He's dead."

**Caller Ash:** "Calm down. Leave the room. Stand outside, and wait for the cops."

**Caller Krisa:** "Fuck... fuck. I can't fucking move. He's dead. My god. His head is gone. There's... I can see his brain. Oh my god. Why did this happen? Fuck. Fuck. Why did he have to fucking do this?"

**Caller Ash:** "Just move your legs. You don't have to look. It's going to be alright. Have you already called 9-1-1?"

**Caller Krisa:** "They're on their way... it's just. Too fucking late. Jesus. Jesus. Oh my god. Why the fuck did this happen? Why does he have a fucking gun?"

**Caller Ash:** "Krisa, you need to get out of there right now. Don't touch him. Don't get near him. Don't get near the gun."

**Caller Krisa:** "The fucking gun! Jesus Christ, Kenny. Why the fuck are you doing this do us? Why? What the fuck?"

**Caller Ash:** "Krisa, do NOT touch the gun."

**Caller Krisa:** "I'm sorry. Fucking hell. Fucking Jesus Christ. Mary Mother of God. Jesus, forgive us both." Gunshot.

**Caller Ash:** "Krisa, are you there? Did the gun just discharge? Krisa? Are you okay?... I'm calling 9-1-1."

**Call Ended.**


	12. Chapter 12

**Okay, don't kill me for this chapter. I don't know what I was thinking. Allergy medication and insomnia wrote this one. If you hate it too much, I will delete it and re-write it. I've just been exhausted. So, here's a terrible chapter...  
**

**Butters:** Hey. I just heard about, Krisa. I'm really sorry about what happened.

**Kenny:** Thanks. But, it doesn't mean anything.

**Butters:** What do you mean?

**Kenny:** She's fucking dead. Nothing anyone says can bring her back. It was my fault.

**Butters:** How can you blame this on yourself? She went a little crazy. Ash was talking to her on the phone, and she said Krisa was not herself. You couldn't have done anything to stop her.

**Kenny:** You don't understand, so don't fucking tell me that it's not my fault.

**Butters:** I'm sorry.

**Kenny:** I know, you were just trying to help. And, I'm treating you like shit. That's just how I am. You probably shouldn't talk to me. I have this habit of making people who get close to me commit suicide.

**Butters:** Fuck you, Kenny. Do you seriously believe that I tried to kill myself just because of you? That's the most conceited thing I've ever heard you say. There were a lot of things going on in my life at the time. My parents were a huge part of it. School was another. I had undiagnosed depression. How dare you presume that I would kill myself just for you.

**Kenny:** Fuck. I'm sorry.

**Butters:** And, how dare you use what I did as an excuse to stop living your life. Yes, I had a huge crush on you. Lots of people probably did. You were a fun guy to be around. You always had a dirty joke. You liked having fun. You weren't a negative asshole. The truth is, you're not yourself anymore. Krisa was probably frustrated about that, but I highly doubt that you drove her to suicide. She had a rough home life, you know. I'll bet that drugs weren't helping either. Then, take into account that she was most likely having a mental lapse at the time- they are even calling it a psychotic episode, and she was more than likely to hurt herself. You're just lucky she didn't hurt you. You had nothing to do with that.

**Kenny:** I wish I could tell you what I mean when I say it was my fault, but there's not fucking way you'd believe me.

**Butters:** I've seen some weird shit in my time. I'm pretty sure I can take whatever you throw at me.

**Kenny:** I died.

**Butters:** Okie dokie. Come again.

**Kenny**: I die all the time. Do you remember when Stan and them made you my replacement? Ever wonder where I was? I was dead. The other night, I had enough and so I killed myself, just for a little break. It always hurts like hell, but it helps me put things in perspective. I didn't mean for her to walk in on me, but she did, and that's why there was a gun in the room. She didn't own a gun, it was mine. She saw me with my brains blown out, and that's why she killed herself. It really was my fault. And, you wont believe me, because if I was you I wouldn't believe me, but it's true. It really was my fault.

**Butters:** I believe that you believe what you are saying. If it is real to you, then it's real.

_**Earlier**_

**Elissa:** What the actual fuck.

**Craig:** What?

**Elissa:** Didn't you hear?

**Craig:** Obviously not.

**Elissa:** Krisa Sladen is dead. Like, fucking deceased dead.

**Craig:** What happened?

**Elissa:** I don't know. I think she got shot. I've been trying to call Ash. I think she was there when it happened or something. But, she might have been here. I don't know.

**Craig:** Where did you hear this?

**Elissa:** Tweek was just here. He just left to pick Ash up from the hospital or police station or something.

**Craig:** Who else is at the house with you? Are the doors locked?

**Elissa:** I think so. But, there's lots of people in the house right now. Where are you? You shouldn't be out right now, there might be a shooter on the loose.

**Craig:** I'm in the basement.

**Elissa:** Oh, wow. Well, come up stairs then. If you've ever seen a horror movie you know that the basement is not the place to be.

**Craig:** Who all is with you? Did anyone come or go recently?

**Elissa:** No. Lamia and Jimmy have been here since this morning. Butters lives here, and I don't think he left the house since this afternoon. Tweek is getting Ash, like I said.

**Craig**: Tell everyone to go sit in Lamia's room, and then lock the door. Don't let anyone in unless it is me or Tweek and Ash.

**Elissa:** Okay. Now you're scaring me. But, okay.

**Craig:** Are you all there?

**Elissa:** Yeah. Thank God there's a bathroom in here. And a mini-fridge. And, lots of soda. We should be safe for a week.

**Craig:** Good. I'm checking to make sure all of the doors and windows are locked. Have Tweek check the windows in Lamia's room.

**Elissa:** Hurry up. I'm low key having a heart attack here.

**Craig:** Okay, everything looks secure. Do you have the mace I gave you?

**Elissa:** Yeah. Why does it have to be so quiet? Why are Tweek's parents never here?

**Craig:** Alright, I'm at the door. I'm going to knock, so don't freak out.

**Lamia:** Tell me you're at home.

**Lily:** Yeah, why? What's happening?

**Lamia:** Someone just got shot.

**Lily:** What? Are you serious?

**Lamia:** Yeah, I think it was probably at that party.

**Lily:** Omg. I almost went to that party. Pip and I decided to stay in last minute. Who was shot?

**Lamia:** Kenny's girlfriend, Krisa.

**Lily:** Do they know who shot her?

**Lamia:** I don't know, it just just just happened.

**Lily:** Is she okay?

**Lamia:** No. I think she's dead.

**Lily:** Are you serious?

**Lamia:** Yes! I wonder if Kenny is okay.

**Lily:** Was he there too?

**Lamia:** I don't know. He must have been. They must have gone to the party together.

**Lily:** Wow. I'm going to text Red. She was there.

**Lamia:** Okay, I'll text Bebe, she was there too.

**Lily:** Did someone just get shot at the party?

**Red:** What are you talking about?

**Lily:** I heard someone was shot at the party.

**Red:** Not at this party.

**Lily:** Is Krisa or Kenny there?

**Red:** No. I think they left earlier.

**Lily:** Holy crap. Well, just a heads up, you should probably leave right now before the cops come. Someone from the party was just shot.

**Red:** When?

**Lily:** Just now I guess. Apparently, Krisa is dead.

**Red:** That's crazy. Yeah, I'm leaving now.

**Lamia:** So, is Krisa really dead?

**Tweek:** Yes.

**Lamia:** Who shot her?

**Tweek:** I don't know. They're questioning Ash right now.

**Lamia:** Why? I thought she was here, but then I heard she was there.

**Tweek:** She was on the phone with Krisa when it happened. Ash was at 7/11, and Krisa was somewhere else. That's all I know.

**Lamia:** Krisa Sladen was shot.

**Bebe:** What?

**Lamia:** She was on the phone with Ash, and then she got shot.

**Bebe:** But, she was here.

**Lamia:** Well, then she must have been shot on her way home.

**Bebe:** What should I do?

**Lamia:** Get out of that party. But, don't go alone. You and a group of friends should leave and stay at someone's house until they find the shooter. I'm going to try to find out what happened from my brother.

**Bebe:** Okay. Thanks.

**Tweek:** It sounds like it was a suicide.

**Lamia:** Are you sure?

**Tweek:** No. But, no one shot her. It was either a suicide or Krisa accidentally set off the gun and it just happened to be in her mouth at the time.

**Lamia:** That's terrible. Poor Kenny.

**Tweek:** It happened at Kenny's house.

**Lamia:** What? How do you know he didn't shoot her?

**Tweek:** No, I think he's dead too.

**Lamia:** What should we do about Butters?

**Tweek:** Just don't say anything until I get there. I'm not even sure. All I know is that no one was murdered, so you can unlock the front door now.

**Lamia:** Hold on.

**Lily:** So, do you know what happened yet?

**Lamia:** Yeah. My brother came home. They kept Ash overnight for questions and to make sure she wouldn't kill herself. Apparently, Ash was at the store and Krisa texted her saying that she got into a fight with Kenny, and that he left the party, so she followed him home and when he wouldn't answer her calls she went crazy and called Ash and was ranting about how Kenny has been different ever since Butters attempted suicide and he's emotionally distant and stuff, and then ended up shooting herself in front of him.

**Lily:** That's really messed up. That's so weird, it doesn't sound like Krisa at all. Is Kenny okay? Why did she have a gun?

**Lamia:** Yeah. I don't know. Kenny isn't hurt. I think they took him in for questioning too, but it's pretty obvious that he's innocent, and Ash heard the whole thing.

**Lily:** I feel really bad for Ash.

**Lamia:** Me too. My brother is going to pick her up when they release her. It must have been terrible. I think they're saying Krisa was on drugs or something.

**Lily:** Really? That would actually explain a lot. I didn't know she was a druggy.

**Lamia:** Yeah, she must have been. I think she must have been one before she met Kenny. It's weird, it's like they were both kind of messed up and when you put them together they were messed up times ten.

**Lily:** She seemed nice enough to me.

**Lamia:** She might have been. But, Kenny and Krisa were both bad influences to each other. So, someone was bound to get hurt when you put the two of them together. Like Sid Vicious and his girlfriend.

**Lily:** I wonder if Kenny is a suicide risk.

**Lamia:** Probably, if the laws of Sid are to be obeyed. And, who wouldn't be after that?

_**Later**_

**Ash:** The worst part is, I feel like I'm forgetting something.

**Tweek:** What do you mean?

**Ash:** I can remember everything she said, and the gun shot. But, I have this weird feeling that some part of my mind is suppressing something. Something important.

**Tweek:** Like what?

**Ash:** Like Kenny.

**Tweek:** Do you think he did it?

**Ash:** No. And, my intuition is telling me that too. But, I just feel like there was more to it than Krisa just following him home and then shooting herself in front of him. I feel like she told me something really important before she died, and now I've just completely forgotten it. It doesn't make sense that she was just randomly freaking out. Krisa wouldn't shoot herself just because she felt like Kenny wasn't opening up to her. She told me something, and it had to do with Kenny, and that was what freaked her out, and then she killed herself. I don't know. I don't feel like she was there to threaten Kenny or traumatize him by shooting herself. I feel like she went over there with good intentions but then something went wrong, she saw something, and that made her do it.

**Tweek:** You're confused. It was a really difficult thing to hear, and you are shaken up.

**Ash:** I know that it wasn't just a suicide. It doesn't make any sense.

**Tweek:** What then? Murder? Suicide never makes sense.

**Ash:** No! It feels like it was a response to something. Maybe Kenny was cheating on her? He must have done something to really upset her.

**Tweek:** Or, she was on drugs and really stressed out.

**Ash:** That's the other thing. I don't remember her being on drugs.

**Tweek:** Well, I doubt she'd have told you. Just, try not to think about it.

**Ash:** I'll try my best, but there's no guarantee I will be able to. I just want to know what I've forgotten.

**Tweek:** Why don't you talk to Kenny, he was there.

**Ash:** That's part of it. I feel like Kenny was there, yet wasn't there. Like, he didn't say anything to send her over the edge, but he didn't try to stop her either.

**Tweek:** I don't know. Maybe you're on to something. Just take care of yourself.

**Ash:** I will. I can't wait till they let me out of here.

**Tweek:** Me too.

**Ash:** This is going to sound crazy, but I need to tell you something. Will you pick up the phone, Kenny?

**Kenny:** Ash believes me. I don't know how she did it, but she still half-remembered.

**Butters:** Are you sure she wasn't just really confused?

**Kenny:** I'm sure she was really confused, but when I told her she said she could feel that I was telling the truth.

**Butters**: What is your point?

**Kenny:** It was my fault.

**Butters:** No, Kenny. It wasn't. Most people don't kill themselves when they see someone commit suicide, even when that person was close to them. She made her own call.

**Kenny:** So, you believe me too?

**Butters:** Believe it or not, you're not the only one living with a secret. I believe that you have a superpower, or whatever you call it. I really do believe that you can't die. I always have. Ever since you told me when we were kids. I've believed you. Do you want to know why?

**Kenny:** What? You do?

**Butters:** Yes. I do. I'm a freak too.

**Kenny:** You're not a freak. Being gay doesn't make you a freak.

**Butters:** You don't understand. I'm not just gay.

**Kenny:** What then?

**Butters:** Do you remember the time you all dressed me up like a girl to go spy on the girls?

**Kenny:** That was a long time ago. But, yeah.

**Butters:** You didn't just dress me up. Someone must have done something to me. I didn't just look like a girl, I was one. I was in the bathroom crying, because they said I wasn't pretty. And, I was thinking to myself "I wish I was a girl. I wish I was a girl." and I looked down, and I was a girl. I had a mother-fucking vagina. And, then I changed my mind. I got scared, and wished I was a boy again, and guess what happened? I had a penis again. I thought that maybe I just imagined it. But, then I tried it again, when I got home and it worked. I went whole days just as a girl or a boy when we were younger. But, then puberty hit, and I've been a boy in public ever since. I am a boy. But, if I wanted, I could be a girl.

**Kenny:** What?

**Butters:** I can change my gender. I'm not joking. It's a lot lamer than your super power, but I'm stuck with it anyway.

**Kenny:** This isn't a fucking joke. And, being unable to die isn't fun. It hurts like fuck. There is no peace.

**Butters:** No, it isn't. I'm not joking.

**Kenny:** I'd have to see to believe.

**Butters:** Well, you can't see can you? You didn't want me. And, if you tell Malice about this I'll never speak to you again.

**Kenny:** I wont tell. But, I need to know you're not kidding.

**Butters:** I'm. Not. Kidding.

**Kenny:** Why haven't you told anyone?

**Butters:** Do you don't think they'd believe me, do you? If I told them that and they did believe me I'd be in a lab surrounded by scientists for the rest of my life. I like being me.

**Kenny:** But, wouldn't you have a better chance with guys if you were a girl? Doesn't that make you a straight girl?

**Butters:** Maybe. But, I wouldn't be myself as a girl. I wouldn't want to be in a relationship with anyone who couldn't know me as myself.

**Kenny:** But, isn't that what you're doing now? You haven't told Malice. So, it's the same shit. He doesn't know who you are.

**Butters:** I am Butters. I'm the same stupid kid you used to pick on in elementary school. I'm the same gay-wad who wanted to be Professor Chaos when life got too chaotic. I'm not a girl.

**Kenny:** But, you are. Part of you is.

**Butters:** You don't get it, Kenny. I didn't expect you to get it. I don't know why it still hurts to know that you will never get it.

**Kenny:** I want to get it. I'm fucking trying. I've been trying to get you since we met.

**Butters:** I'm not Marjorine. Marjorine is a girl with tits. She has a period once a month. I'm Butters. I'm gay.

**Kenny:** But, don't you like being able to be someone else every once in a while?

**Butters:** Being in another body isn't the same as being someone else. It feels wrong, but then sometimes I feel wrong like myself. It's like I'm a girl and a guy and neither one feels comfortable in their skin. It's like I'm never quite a guy, and never quite a girl. No, I don't like it at all.

**Kenny:** I didn't know.

**Butters:** I know. Just don't assume that you're the only one going through shit you can't explain.

**Kenny**: I'm sorry.

**Butters:** Don't be. All I need you to do is understand. The truth is much weirder than fiction.

**Kenny:** I'm sorry that I hurt you before. I was being an ass hole.

**Butters:** That's okay. You were in love.

**Kenny:** I was, wasn't I?

**Butters:** She wouldn't want you to blame yourself for what happened.

**Kenny:** I've considered dying again, just so I could explain things to her. I just want to know that she forgives me.

**Butters:** She would forgive you. She loved you. There's nothing she wouldn't forgive, even what you did.

**Kenny:** I wish I could have explained things to her. About me, and death.

**Butters:** I'll bet she'll understand if you tell her. Just, go visit her and tell her everything. You don't have to die to visit her.

**Kenny:** I don't know what I'd say.

**Butters:** Tell her what you told me. If she is hearing you from the grave, then she shouldn't have trouble believing. I'll bet she already knows.

**Kenny:** How do you apologize to someone who went to hell because of you?

**Butters:** How do you know she's in hell?

**Kenny:** Suicide. Suicide sends you to hell.

**Butters:** I don't know if I completely believe that.

**Kenny:** I don't want to believe it. I still can't believe she's gone. If I'd just locked my door, or waited or something. She'd still be alive. I had to do it with a gun. If she'd waited she would have forgotten that anything had ever happened to me the next day like everyone else. No one ever remembers. Why did she have to be there then?

**Butters:** I don't know. But, you can't agonize over what has already happened. You've got to try and pull yourself back up.

**Kenny:** The last time we spoke we were fighting. I was being selfish. She found out that I was cutting myself, and she got angry. She wanted to be there for me, but I didn't let her. And, now she's gone.

**Butters:** You've gotta be there for yourself. I'm here too.

**Kenny:** But, why? I was never there for you? I avoided you.

**Butters:** I know. It didn't feel good, but that's why I don't want you to have to go it alone.

**Kenny:** Thanks, Butters. You're a better friend than I deserve.

**Bebe:** Ugh. I can't stop messing with the balls in my mouth.

**Elissa:** You have balls... in your mouth. Great time to be texting. I'm sure Vinnie is thrilled.

**Bebe:** Not those balls! Idiot. I mean those two little ball things under your tongue.

**Elissa:** You are so weird.

**Bebe:** You're so lucky you're pregnant.

**Elissa:** You're insane.

**Bebe:** No, really. Craig is always taking care of you. It's really kind of sickeningly sweet to see. It's like he can't bear to leave you. I wish Vinnie would pay that sort of attention to me.

**Elissa:** Have you considered that maybe he's just hovering around me because he feels bad for getting me knocked up? Maybe he feels some responsibility for this?

**Bebe:** No. You're wrong. He definitely loves you.

**Elissa:** Getting pregnant will not make Vinnie love you more.

**Bebe:** He'd have to love the baby at least. Then, we'd get married and raise the baby together.

**Elissa:** That's the most bat-shit insane thing I've ever heard you say. And, that is saying a lot considering some of the things you've said.

**Bebe:** Don't worry. I wont copy you. I'm just a little envious is all.

**Elissa:** Copy me? Do you think being pregnant is a fashion statement? If you really think that, you should never reproduce.

**Bebe:** Oh, whatever. Hormones are obviously making you difficult to talk to.

**Elissa:** No comment on that one. I've got to go anyway. I'm having a check up at the OBI.

**Bebe:** Later.

**From April May's Diary**

I had an interesting conversation with Elissa at the doctor's office today. She was going in for a check up on the baby. I was going in because I'll never be able to have children. Ana has messed up my body so much I've become infertile. That's what they think, anyway. My hair comes out in clumps. It's eighty degrees and I'm wearing a winter jacket. My body is ruined. But, I'm still too big for my taste. I can fit a had around my thigh now. I remember when all I wanted was to fit a hand around my forearm. My stomach rejects food, and I'm constantly monitored for weight loss. I can experience organ failure at any time. My brain moves around in a loop. I think only about becoming thin. And, then I have vague regrets. I told Elissa that I envied her for being able to have a child at all. That's something I'll never experience. And, she told me that I wasn't the first person to tell her that today, but I was the only one she took seriously. We talked for a long time about regrets. She's always been a kind person. Not like the others, who I know are always talking about me behind my back. If I come back as an angel when I die, I'll always guard Elissa and her baby. She's a strong person, but I can tell that even she feels afraid and lost. So many of us do. I hope that Craig wont abandon her after the baby is born. If he does I'll have to haunt him. It's really sad, what happened to Krisa. She seemed like a nice girl. I think she must have been troubled for a long time. I wonder if I'll see her when I die. I wonder if Kyle will miss me when I die. I kind of doubt it. If he missed me when I was gone, he'd would have called me since I got into the hospital. I can't blame him. It's not his fault he fell in love with another person. I forgive Gabby for taking him from me. Elissa said she isn't afraid of missing the baby when it's gone now. She said it isn't really hers, and it doesn't feel like hers. She said she's just babysitting for the baby's real parents. I think that's a sweet sentiment in a sad way. I think we became friends today. It makes me wish we'd know each other before now. It would have been nice to have time to know her. But, I don't regret dying. I think I'll leave Elissa a note and some flowers. I'll tell her that I wish her well, and that I'll be watching over her with kind eyes even though we barely knew each other. I feel like our souls touched. I haven't felt a connection like that in such a long time. It meant a lot to me. I wish her well.

**Lamia:** April May is dead.

**Lily:** What? Really? What's with everyone dying?

**Lamia:** I don't know. It's not a huge surprise.

**Lily:** That's it. No morbid anorexic joke?

**Lamia:** Not this time. I guess you have to be really sick at least once to understand that other people can't help being sick.

**Lily:** Wow. You must have hit your head harder than I thought.

**Lamia:** I know right? But, seriously, I just didn't understand her before. She was probably struggling, and I thought she was just trying to get attention.

**Lily:** Two deaths in one month. That's just crazy.

**Lamia:** Well, you know what they say. Deaths happen in threes.

**Lily:** I hope not!

**Lamia:** Yeah, me too. I feel like death wanted me to be the first of the three but then missed me, and is just biding his time until he has another go at me.

**Lily:** Don't say that.

**Lamia:** Yeah. You know, Kenny's probably the one death wants. I mean, it's kind of a miracle he didn't get shot. And if it isn't Kenny it'll be Elissa since she's pregnant and loads of things can go wrong there.

**Lily:** You're going to jinx us all.

**Lamia:** I feel really bad about all the things we used to say about her.

**Lily:** We? You mean you!

**Lamia:** Whatever. I just feel bad.

**Lily:** At least she's not suffering anymore.

**Lamia:** That's a positive I guess.

**Kyle:** I can't believe April May is dead too.

**Gabby:** You can't really be surprised. I mean, she looked like death for weeks.

**Kyle:** I guess that's the third death to complete the death cycle.

**Gabby:** Who else died besides Krisa and April May?

**Kyle:** No one. Wow, I could have sworn someone else died. That's so weird.

**Gabby:** You need some sleep.

**Kyle:** We all do.

**Tweek:** This is happening.

**Ash:** What is happening?

**Tweek:** I'm giving Jimmy "the interview".

**Ash:** What interview?

**Tweek:** You know, the one that dads give guys to make sure they are good enough to be dating their daughters.

**Ash:** Lamia's not your daughter.

**Tweek:** Well, my dad isn't going to do it. He's never home to do it.

**Ash:** You've got a point there. Seriously, at what point did your parents realize that there were half a dozen teenagers living in their house?

**Tweek:** I don't know if they've even noticed yet.

**Ash:** Wow. That's really something.

**Tweek:** How are you holding up?

**Ash:** Better than I was. I'm still trying to pretend everything is okay.

**Tweek:** Don't pretend. Everything is going to be okay. I'm here for you.

**Ash:** I know. It's hard to explain, it's like you had to be there to understand what I'm going through.

**Tweek:** Well, isn't Kenny there for that.

**Ash:** Not really.

**Tweek:** But, wasn't he there?

**Ash:** Yes, of course. But, his memory suppressed everything.

**Tweek:** Hmm. Is that it?

**Ash:** Yes.

**Tweek:** By the way, is Butters with Malice anymore?

**Ash:** I think so, why?

**Tweek:** He's been spending a lot of time with Kenny is all. I guess it sort of makes sense since they both have been touched by suicide or whatever... but no, actually it really doesn't make any sense to me.

**Ash:** Oh, that's something else.

**Tweek:** Like what?

**Ash:** Nothing, really.

**Tweek:** Are you hiding something?

**Ash:** Nope.

**Tweek:** Whatever.

**Akiko:** Guess big news!

**Kuran:** What's the news?

**Akiko:** I go out on a date with Eric Cartman!

**Kuran:** Good for you! I know you really like him. I'm sure he must really like you too. You're so cute.

**Akiko:** Thank you for compliment me! Yes. I like him very much. But, you are my big brother, so I not forget you too.

**Kuran:** Thanks, little sister. So, what happened?

**Akiko:** He taked me to see V-D-O about Japanese and German lovers in War World 2.

**Kuran:** Was he nice to you?

**Akiko:** Yes, yes! Very gentleman! He hug me when I cry. It was very sad V-D-O.

**Kuran:** By V-D-O, do you mean Video?

**Akiko:** Oh, I thought it was same thing! It makes same sound as video when you say v-d-o.

**Kuran:** Haha. I never thought of it that way.

**Akiko:** You're welcome!

**Kuran:** So, tell me more.

**Akiko:** We talk for long time about war. Then we have disagreement.

**Kuran:** About what?

**Akiko:** War. We agree on many thing, but not on war. But, is not important. After that he show me a funny thing on internet.

**Kuran:** What was it?

**Akiko:** "Engrish" website. Very funny. Even though my English not so good I can understand.

**Kuran:** What was funny about it?

**Akiko:** Chinese character "Gan 4" mean many different things but it is always translate into "fuck" by mistake on computer translate.

**Kuran:** That's hilarious. Give me an example.

**Akiko:** "Dry food" is translate to "fuck food". So, in Chinese supermarket the sign say "Fuck Food".

**Kuran:** That's great!

**Akiko:** Lol. I know! I was laugh so hard I can't breathe.

**Kuran:** I'm glad you had a good time.

**Akiko:** Thank you. :3

**Bebe:** If I had a baby too, then our babies could be best friends.

**Elissa:** No. They couldn't. I'm putting the baby up for adoption, remember.

**Bebe:** Why? You don't have to do that.

**Elissa:** It's already been arranged.

**Bebe:** Can't you tell them you change your mind? It IS your baby.

**Elissa:** It's not my baby. I'm not ready to have kids.

**Bebe:** But, what if we were both raising babies? Then it would be like team work.

**Elissa:** No. I'm not dropping out of school to raise a baby.

**Bebe:** I'm sure Craig wouldn't mind.

**Elissa:** I'm not talking about this with you. Don't get pregnant. It isn't fun.

**Bebe:** What if I already did get pregnant.

**Elissa:** Then, you're fucking insane. It's not fun. And, I'm still giving the baby to a family that can take care of it and wants it.

**Bebe:** That's it then? You just don't want the baby?

**Elissa:** No, I don't.

**Bebe:** Then, why didn't you have an abortion.

**Elissa:** I'm Catholic. It wasn't in the cards.

**Bebe:** Okay, but if it was in the cards would you have gotten an abortion?

**Elissa:** I don't know. Why are you asking me these things?

**Bebe:** I missed my period.

**Elissa:** Holy shit. Tell me you didn't do this on purpose.

**Bebe:** I don't see why this is such a bad thing. Now, Vinnie will have to marry me.

**Elissa:** Oh my god, Bebe. Why?

**Bebe:** Maybe I wanted a baby? I'm ready for one.

**Elissa:** No, you're not. I don't care what you think, you're not ready for a baby.

**Bebe:** I am so ready! I need a baby. I could give a baby lots of love, and the baby will love me back. Only babies can love you unconditionally.

**Elissa:** Puppies love you unconditionally! Babies are shit-machines that have to be fed all the time! What the fuck Bebe?

**Bebe:** I don't want a puppy, I want a baby.

**Elissa:** You NEED to get psychiatric help. You're fucking psycho. This wont bring Vinnie closer to you. You're trying to trap him into something serious and long term. If you cared about him, you wouldn't have done this.

**Bebe:** If you tell him I will fucking kill you.

**Elissa:** Why would I tell him? I'm just saying, you're a fucking deranged psychopath.

**Bebe:** Fuck you. Quit acting so high and mighty. You're pregnant too.

**Elissa:** But, that was an accident! I didn't do it to force anyone to marry me.

**Bebe:** You're such a conceited bitch.

**Elissa:** Oh my god. You're not joking. I suggest that you talk to an adult. This is big. This is the stupidest thing you've ever done.

**Bebe:** Shut your cunt face!

**Elissa:** Okay. Goodbye. Have a nice life.

**Malice:** I'll understand if you want to go out with Kenny now.

**Butters:** What gave you that silly idea?

**Malice:** Well, the girl who was keeping you apart is gone. Forever. You could date him now.

**Butters:** I don't want to date him now. I'm with you.

**Malice:** I know. But, you were in love with him. I don't want to get in the way of love if you still have feelings for him.

**Butters:** So, what? You're just going to back down? If Kenny likes me then you just want me to up and forget about you?

**Malice:** No, I'd hope that we could remain friends. I just don't want to have to compete with him for you, because he'll win.

**Butters:** What competition?

**Malice:** Never mind.

**Butters:** Come one, Mal.

**Malice:** I just don't want you to feel trapped in our relationship.

**Butters:** I don't. If I felt trapped I'd tell you so.

**Malice:** Promise?

**Butters:** Yes, of course I promise. You really think I'd leave you like that?

**Malice:** I just wanted to give you some options.

**Butters:** Kenny is an old friend. You are my boyfriend. Those are very different things.

**Malice:** Okay. I'm glad to hear it.

**Brian:** It's terrible what happened to those girls.

**Red:** Yeah, I know.

**Brian:** I'm so glad ma petite poupée is safe.

**Red:** Lol. That means doll or something right? I can't get over how much that sounds like "poopee". What was the other funny one?

**Brian:** Ma biche. Sounds to you like "my bitch".

**Red:** Yeah, that's my favourite.

**Brian:** Are we going to reschedule the camping trip?

**Red:** I don't see why we should. Things have been so crazy, I think the best thing to do is just pretend everything is normal and get on with our lives.

**Brian:** And, it doesn't disturb you at all that two people just died... in a horror movie that's exactly the way things would pan out. Two seemingly unrelated deaths that will turn out to be murders, but by then we'll already be in the mountains, far away from any help, just ripe for the picking.

**Red:** This isn't a horror movie. And, if it was a horror movie, Token and Bebe would be dead. The hot blonde chick and the one black guy always go first.

**Brian:** Touché. I have taught you well young Padawan.

**Red:** You are such a nerd.

**Brian:** And, you love it.

**Red:** You know I do.

**Kenny:** I have an idea.

**Butters:** What's your idea?

**Kenny:** You come over to my place as a girl, dressed as a girl, in make-up etcetera. Then, no one will know that we're hanging out.

**Butters:** Why do we have to be all secretive about hanging out now?

**Kenny:** You said it yourself your boyfriend was all getting butt hurt about it.

**Butters:** That's not exactly what I said... I don't know about this. Meeting in secret feels a lot like cheating.

**Kenny:** Please. I need you here now.

**Butters:** What's the big hurry?

**Kenny:** I just need not to be alone right now.

**Butters:** Okay. I'll be there in just a second.

**Ash:** If you had to pick one guy to do, who would it be?

**Tweek:** What kind of question is that?

**Ash:** I dunno. I'm just curious. If I had to do a girl it would be an un-pregnant Elissa.

**Tweek:** That's... nice to know.

**Ash:** You're welcome for another masturbatory fantasy.

**Tweek:** I'm not going to get off to images of Craig's girlfriend in any way shape or form.

**Ash:** You are such a prude. I can't believe you wouldn't enjoy seeing me do it with a girl. Nude with a girl. Girls touching. So, who would it be? Pick a guy, any guy.

**Tweek:** Craig, I guess? Maybe Butters?

**Ash:** Okay, this is happening. As soon as Elissa pops out that baby we are having a foursome.

**Tweek:** That's a terrible idea.

**Ash:** Why? Wouldn't you like access to some live action lesbo action? Think about it... girl's naked... touching.

**Tweek:** That would be okay, only if it wasn't Elissa, and I didn't have to see Craig naked.

**Ash:** Come on, it won't be that bad.

**Tweek:** Not a chance.

**Ash:** You are suuuch a booore. I can't believe you don't want to see two girls with their legs entangled, their lips locked in a passionate kiss.

**Tweek:** Gaaaah. Now I have to be barista with a boner.

**Ash:** Can I relieve you?

**Tweek:** Of what? My duty or the other thing?

**Ash:** Both? Meet me out back.

**Tweek:** That is so unsanitary.

**Ash:** Okay... well, if you don't want my help, I guess you can take care of it yourself.

**Tweek:** Just give me five minutes.

**Ash:** I knew you'd come around. ;)

**Tweek:** You are nothing but trouble.

**Elissa:** Pregnant sex is so much more appealing in porn.

**Ash:** Gross. You had pregnant sex?

**Elissa:** Well, we tried. It's a lot more complicated than I'd anticipated.

**Ash:** Eeew. Does Craig get off on pregnant women?

**Elissa:** Nope. Thank god. I'm not planning on doing this "Pregnant" thing again, any time soon.

**Ash:** That's good to hear!

**Elissa:** Speaking of getting off. How did Tweek take your suggestion?

**Ash: **Refused it, as anticipated.

**Elissa:** Same with Craig. They need to loosen up. We should get them drunk, and then ask them.

**Ash:** That's brilliant. Who says no to any kind of sex when drunk?

**Elissa:** Not them!

**Craig:** Did Ash just ask you to do a foursome?

**Tweek:** Ugh. Yes. How did you know?

**Craig:** Elissa just asked me the same thing. I think they're trying to get us to have sex with each other.

**Tweek:** Oh god! What is wrong with them?

**Craig:** They're girls.

**Tweek:** I thought guys were supposed to be the ones with sick sexual perversions that the girlfriends were supposed to tolerate... not the other way around.

**Craig:** Well, they're not going to let up. We might as well get it over with and enjoy the lesbo action.

**Tweek:** You're not seriously suggesting that we agree to this.

**Craig:** Elissa has been begging me for weeks.

**Tweek:** Ash has been bugging me about it too, now that I think of it.

**Craig:** Then, let's just get it over with.

**Tweek:** Gaaah! But, what if they want us to do it again?

**Craig:** We say no. Say we've already tried it once, and we aren't in to it.

**Tweek:** Do you think that will work?

**Craig:** It has to.

**Tweek:** Okay then.


	13. Chapter 13

**Dear Readers, if any are still existing: I am so sorry for the year long hiatus. Real life got in the way... and fucked my shit up. I half-wrote chapters more than once. None of them were to my liking, but someone wrote me a very sweet PM and now I'm just submitting my sub-par installments so that she might be a little happier. This might be a bit OOC, as it will take me a while to get back into the swing of writing these characters. Also, like all of the other chapters, this is un-beta'd... so, there is bound to be some mistakes. If you catch any glaring errors, feel free to tell me in the comments. **

**Also, announcement: ****_South Park Slash-O-Rama will soon be starting up again, now with your lovely characters in the 10th grade. New folks will then be welcome to submit some new characters to populate the 9th grade, while the veteran characters move up a year._**

* * *

**Elissa:** How is your fuck fest going?

**Brian:** The couples' retreat is going swimmingly for the most part.

**Elissa:** Oh, shit. Wrong person. I meant to send that to your girlfriend. Disregard that text.

* * *

**Elissa:** How goes your massive mountain orgy?

**Red:** I think Butters and Malice just broke up.

**Elissa:** I'm sorry... what?

**Red:** Yeah. Malice is here looking creepily calm and Butters just stormed off into the woods.

**Elissa:** Maybe someone should go after him? You know, he did try to off himself once, it's probably not a good idea to let him wander off on his own after an emotional blow like that.

**Red:** Don't worry about it. Lily and Pip are looking for him.

* * *

**Lily:** Found him.

**Ash:** Is he okay?

**Lily:** None the worse for wear.

**Ash:** Good. Is he ready to come back to the cabin?

**Lily:** I don't think so. He seems calm, but I know he's hurting. I don't know how, but I can just kind of sense it. Pip and I are staying here with him, if you wont miss us.

**Ash:** We'll be fine. You concentrate on making sure he's okay.

**Lily:** Will do, Boss.

* * *

**Tweek:** What's the matter?

**Butters:** Malice dumped me.

**Tweek:** Oh! I'm sorry to hear that. He doesn't know what he's missing.

**Butters:** I don't know what I did. One minute everything was fine, and the next he's telling me we should just be friends.

**Tweek:** It's going to be okay, Butters.

**Malice:** He seems really hurt.

**Tweek:** You did the right thing.

**Malice:** I hope you are right.

**Tweek:** Of course I'm right. He's like my brother. I know him better than anyone else.

**Malice:** Okay.

* * *

**Ash:** Do you ever feel like you've lived through a day before? Like MAJOR déjà vu?

**Elissa:** Yeah, I think everyone gets that.

**Ash:** Like, to the point where you know what is going to happen already?

**Elissa:** Nope. That's just you. You've been watching a lot of television, haven't you?

**Ash:** Yeah, that's probably it.

* * *

**Ash:** It's happening. I've lived today three times in a row. At least, three times that I can remember.

**Lily:** Have you tried changing something?

**Ash:** Yes, I have, and no, nobody dies.

**Lily:** It's weird being out-psychiced by you.

**Ash:** It's probably the only cool thing about the loop. And, even that gets old.

* * *

**Elissa:** Hey, Tweek. I just kissed your girlfriend. Problem? *troll face*

**Tweek:** And, you didn't invite me?

**Elissa:** Pfft. I know you're a prude. That doesn't prove anything.

* * *

**Lily:** I know what you did. And, it was wrong.

**Tweek:** I have no idea what you are talking about.

**Lily:** You can't lie to me. I could sense it on you the other day. I can't believe you would do this to him. He was so happy.

**Tweek:** Are you saying that you read my mind?

**Lily:** Something like that.

**Tweek:** You are insane.

**Lily:** Am I? Then, I just imagined your hatred for Malice?

**Tweek:** I don't hate Malice. I just don't think he was right for Butters.

**Lily:** So, you broke them up. You're a control freak, in a bad way.

**Tweek:** Did Malice tell you all of this?

**Lily:** No, he didn't. Nobody did. Just like nobody told me how you had an erotic dream about Craig the other day. You told me that... or rather your mind did. Your mind told me that you secretly disapprove of your sister's boyfriend too, because you think he is too crippled for her.

**Tweek:** You're a freak.

**Lily:** I'm not the one who ruined my best friend's life again.

**Tweek:** He'll be better off without Malice in the end, even if it hurts him now.

**Lily:** Wow, you really believe that don't you? That just proves how messed up in the head you are.

**Tweek:** Yeah, you're the one who thinks you have telepathy, and I'm messed up in the head?

**Lily:** It's empathy, not telepathy. It's obviously something you lack.

* * *

**Butters:** I don't get it. Where did I go wrong?

**Tweek:** Stop agonizing over it. What's done is done. You can't change it.

**Butters:** You make it sound like this is irreversible.

**Tweek:** I'm just trying to say you should maybe start playing the field again, or not. Just be happy being single or something.

**Butters:** You would like that, wouldn't you? You never liked Malice.

**Tweek:** I have no problem with him. He made a decision. Respect that.

**Butters:** God, why am I taking this out on you? I'm sorry.

**Tweek:** It's okay.

* * *

**From The Journal of April May:**

_Why does everything sound so profound when I'm drunk on insomnia? When the univers__e collapses, I wonder if time will go backwards. Will time reverse with gravity? Two of the same statements are said with slightly different inflections. It makes a world of difference. __No one cares if I die, and I care least of all. My brain is running in feedback loops. A you-tube video labeled "HD Audio" just looked like "Aqua HQ". I dreamed of a guy who made me feel cute no matter how disgusting I was. His skin smelled like the beach. I listened to an old homeless woman on the bus. She was singing to herself in a rich Eartha Kitt voice. It was beautiful. I wanted to tell her before I reached my stop, so I got up while the bus was still in motion, ignoring the bus driver's protestations._

_I told her that her voice was so beautiful, it made me want to cry. She didn't seem to notice me at first, but then she stopped her singing and fixed me with her cataract clouded gaze. "Really, my dear, you are over dramatic."_

_And, I took in those words. I really did. _

_I love the simplicity of human logic sometimes. I can see the day that man learned to wield weapons. He walked outside of his cave into the sun, saw a small animal and said, "That looks cute, let's eat it." I wonder how many cute animals I've eaten in my lifetime. The circle of life is lopsided. Humans eat everything and shit all over the rest of the animals. We are cruel. The humanity is filthy. It makes me sick._

_Love sucks._

_I don't know why I'm doing this anymore. I'm going nowhere and I am good for nothing. I want to be so small that I disappear, and no one will even notice when I'm gone. I know that it is selfish. I don't want to do harm. God knows I don't want to hurt anybody. But, I can't do this. I just can't._

* * *

**Bebe:** Ever tried putting on make-up drunk?

**Elissa:** No...

**Bebe:** I'm awesome at it.

**Elissa:** You're drunk? You're pregnant! You're not supposed to be drinking!

**Bebe:** Fuck you. I can make my own bad decisions. Tell Red to keep away from my mother fucking jello.

* * *

**Kyle:** I just got something in the mail. It was from April May

**Gabby:** What was it?

**Kyle:** Her journal. She wanted me to have it.

**Gabby:** You've got to let her go.

**Kyle:** I couldn't keep myself from reading it. I can't un-read it.

**Gabby:** She was insane.

**Kyle:** She loved me.

**Gabby:** So do I.

**Kyle:** I wonder sometimes.

* * *

**Kenny:** My sister and I need a place to stay. I know you've got a problem with me, but this is about Karen.

**Tweek:** I've got nothing against you, Kenny. I just can't stand seeing Butters get hurt. Of course I'll let you stay, as long as you promise not to lead him on. He's got enough on his plate.

**Kenny:** Thanks, Dude.

**Tweek:** Don't thank me. I'm doing this partially for Butters' benefit too. He's been having night terrors lately, and to be honest, sharing a bed with him and Ash gets a bit snug.

**Kenny:** You've been letting him sleep with you?

**Tweek:** He needs someone there to make him feel safe when he wakes up.

**Kenny:** So, what? Do you cuddle him until the nightmares go away?

**Tweek:** Basically. You up for that responsibility?

**Kenny:** D'you take everything seriously?

**Tweek:** Yes. This is Butters we're talking about.

**Kenny:** I know.

**Tweek:** Don't forget it.

* * *

**Lily:** We need to talk, are you free?

**Butters:** Free as a bird.

**Lily:** Be there in a bit.

* * *

**Ike:** There's a used condom in my bedroom trash can. Mom thinks it is mine. Either you pay me fifty dollars before 12:00 tonight, or I tell her everything.

**Kyle:** $50?! How the hell am I supposed to get fifty dollars? I don't even get an allowance anymore. You are eight years old, why the hell does she think it's yours?

**Ike:** I don't know. Maybe she's stupid. Mom thought it was mine, and gave me the talk about masturbation. I've just lived through the most uncomfortable hour and a half of my life. Listen, I'm telling you I want fifty dollars, or I spill all. I'm not asking how you get the money. You can rob a bank for all I care. I want the money.

**Kyle:** Fine.

* * *

**Kenny:** You know, you're kind of cute as a girl.

**Butters:** I'm not a girl.

**Kenny:** I know that. You've told me that a million and one fucking times. But, it's true.

**Butters:** Kenny...

**Kenny:** All right. I'll stop. Oh, and Lily was here looking for you earlier.

**Butters:** Yeah, she's here now. She was going to tell me something before you texted me.

**Kenny:** Fine, fine. I know when I'm not wanted.

**Butters:** Talk to you later, Ken.

**Kenny:** Sure you will.

* * *

**Butters:** You bastard.

**Tweek:** What?

**Butters:** I know what you did.

**Tweek:** What are you talking about?

**Butters:** You told Malice to break up with me.

**Tweek:** What? Who told you this? Lily?

**Butters:** Does it matter? It's fucking true.

**Tweek:** Come talk to me.

**Butters:** No. I don't ever want to see your face again.

**Tweek:** You don't mean that. Just come talk to me. We can work this out. I can explain things. I did it for your own good.

**Butters:** So, it's true?

**Tweek:** I can explain everything if you give me a chance.

**Butters:** You were the one I thought I could trust.

**Tweek:** Don't do anything stupid.

**Butters:** I'm not going to fucking kill myself. I'm going to talk to Malice. Do me a favor, and never speak to me again.

**Tweek:** I'm sorry.

* * *

**Lily:** I think there's something wrong with me.

**Lamia:** The first step is admitting to it.

**Lily:** I'm hearing voices.

**Lamia:** Woah, gurrrl. Not what I was expecting.

**Lily:** I hear them very often, but I can feel them all the time. I can tell what people are thinking.

**Lamia:** You tripping?

**Lily:** Lami, this is serious.

**Lamia:** I'm like dead fucking serious too! People think they have superpowers when they're high sometimes. At least that's what I've heard.

**Lily:** Before I called you were thinking about food.

**Lamia:** That's an easy guess. I'm always thinking about food.

**Lily:** Last night you had a dream about flying.

**Lamia:** Another lucky guess.

**Lily:** You think that your brother is going insane.

**Lamia:** You don't need to be psychic to know that.

**Lily:** Kenny is in love with Butters. He just doesn't know it yet.

**Lamia:** I ship those two crazy kids just as much as the next casual observer. That is wishful thinking.

**Lily:** You have a girl-crush on Jennifer Lawrence.

**Lamia:** Who doesn't?

**Lily:** Bebe is pregnant.

**Lamia:** Say what?!

**Lily:** She's pregnant. And, she's happy about it. She purposefully made it so Vinny didn't pull out in time, and now she's pregnant.

**Lamia:** Did she tell you this?

**Lily:** No. She hasn't told anyone except Elissa yet.

**Lamia:** Then, Elissa told you.

**Lily:** No, she wants nothing to do with Bebe now.

**Lamia:** Bebe is gonna have a bébé. Lol.

**Lily:** I don't know you.

**Lamia:** I think I'm hilarious.

**Lily:** We can't have a serious conversation.

**Lamia:** You're the one pretending to be psychic.

**Lily:** I'm not pretending.

**Lamia:** Well, supposing you did have psychic powers... could you, maybe, perhaps use them on a certain someone for me?

**Lily:** You want to know if Jimmy loves you. And the answer is yes.

**Lamia:** Sweet! This psychic thing is already paying off.

**Lily:** I thought you didn't believe me.

**Lamia:** Eh, can't say I do, can't say I don't. Tell me what I'm doing right now.

**Lily:** Eating.

**Lamia:** That's black magic.

**Lily:** No, I can hear you smacking over the phone.

**Lamia:** Black. Magic.

* * *

**Tweek:** I've fucked up royally.

**Ash:** Yeah, what else is new, dear?

**Tweek:** No, for real this time. Butters isn't speaking to me.

**Ash:** Where are you now? Do you need to talk.

**Tweek:** I think I might. I'm at home. He's not answering my texts. Apparently he's with Kenny and Lily.

**Ash:** So, he's all right?

**Tweek:** He had better be. They say he is. But, he wont talk to me. I've texted him a million times. No answer.

**Ash:** Have you tried calling?

**Tweek:** It goes straight to voicemail.

**Ash:** Then maybe his phone is off?

**Tweek:** No, Ash. It isn't. He's so pissed at me right now. I don't think he'll ever forgive me.

**Ash:** What did you do?

**Tweek:** I told you, I fucked up.

**Ash:** Open the door.


End file.
